(updated 16 Jun 05)

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Smack Babies?
(Banner confession from old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Bethlehem, PA -- Shoppers with little children might have noticed a change at supermarkets.The powdered baby formula has been locked up. The high-priced item has long been an item for shoplifters, who typically sell it on the black market or use it to cut drugs. Now stores are fighting back: putting the formula under lock and key, just like they do with cigarettes.
(Topic's "street value" determined via NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

... as required by FDA warning on both labels (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

I'm gonna get carded for that now, too? oh, come on! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Hummmm.....wonder why they don't lock up contraceptives too. (WJKbase@aol.com) Sales of formula would go DOWN, Smedley!

Why don't they throw out the cigarettes and make room for feminine hygeine products while they're making life MORE difficult for women? (wedrixe@netscape.net)

Sounds like a great birth control device..lock up the baby formula..so no-one will know how to make one! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Oh please, God, no! Now there's going to be twice as much breast feeding going on at the office as there was before. (tpanner@inorbit.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com) And you're complaining about all the free lunches?

Is that a pacifier in your pocket, or are you just glad to hold me up? (HerzogVon@aol.com)

But think of the advantages; crackheads would finally get enough Vitamin D. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Christ, my kid'll f*ckin' scream if we have to go through the lock & key crap twice. (seeker@vcoms.net) Sorry about the asterisk; Cad asked me not to use "fuck" so much.

Some smaller stores have been forced to make room for the formula by putting pharmacy barbituates and amphetamines in the cereal aisle. (RWich928@aol.com; amfpsych@aol.com)

I used to use NextStep. I switched to NextStep w/ Soy, you know, but I find I'm sucking back twice as much just to get the same high. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

People steal powdered baby formula? Isn't breast milk still free? (scalpel@aol.com) Not a parent & not married, obviously....

Personally, I prefer to shoplift formula from the moms that breastfeed. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Damn, now I'll have to go back to cutting my drugs the old fashioned way: Drano (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Damn, you mean I have to go back to snorting breast milk again? (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

And now.... the "Toys for Adults" Sextion:

About the same thing is happening to "public" breast feeding violators, only they're fitted with a time-lock bra. (humorbear@aol.com)

Upon reading the Company directive a Confused Store Manager at the Natural Foods Store began to secure shopper's Breasts with Nipple-Clamps and Chains. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

In a related story Wal-Mart is locking up it's entire inventory of Breast Pumps. (maxcel200@aol.com)

They should lock up the butter as well. You should see what my neighbors do with it. Jeez! (tpanner@inorbit.com) This from a serial Cream of Wheat abuser.

Oh!! You use the formula to cut the drugs. I've had it backwards all these years. That explains alot about my kids. (gromitopia@yahoo.com; skibip@aol.com)

Well, that explains that scantily clad woman coming up my car asking me for Enfamil last night. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

In other news, Butchers keep meat behind glass cases. Is it being used to cut drugs? No! Because it in itself has been cut with chemicals to make week old meat look fresh. YES, You can beat our prices but you can't beat our meat. Well unless of course you want to beat our meat behind the counter to get a price break. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

Co-Honorable Mentions - These two are hanging around with the wrong crowd (Us):

This may explain the recent fad among "heroin chic" type testing their drug of choice on their wrists for temperature before they inject it... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

As a result, many drug manufacturers have resorted to cutting their drugs with real breast milk. (stan@squidworks.com)

Runner-Up - But they make him an offer he just can't refuse:

That explains why the crackheads in my neighborhood ask for a goodnight kiss. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

The Winner - That SOB "Carb pusher" you've all been looking for:

Fools! I've been passing off corn starch as baby formula and selling it to drug dealers for the past 10 years. (tpanner@inorbit.com)