(updated 17 Dec 04)
Hosted by Slyph
Well, Slyph is going to take a little hiatus so he can attend to personal things...in the interim period, Bucko has graciously agreed to fill in.
A Purr-fect 4.0?
(Header suggested by entry from TPHYLL@aol.com)
HARRISBURG, PA -- The Pennsylvania attorney general's office Monday sued an online university for selling bogus degrees, including an MBA awarded to a cat from "Trinity Southern University" in Texas. Investigators paid $299 for a degree for "Colby Nolan," a deputy attorney's cat, claiming he had experience including baby-sitting and retail management, and giving him a 3.5 GPA.
(Topic suggested by firstname.lastname@example.org)
This week's Ritual Abuse:
Bucko, when are you finally going to update this thing? It's been, what, near 5 (count 'em, it only takes one hand) days! Geez! What a lousy judge. I mean it's not like doctors are busy taking parts of you at random, throwing them under the microscope, and declaring you 23 or something! Man! Just Keeping the Hate Alive! (email@example.com)
Outstanding group of entries! Thus, 27 posts!
So that's how those beavers in Louisiana got their economics degrees! (Ringo@illuSchoen.net) Oh, no.... a running gag.
Damn, my cat went to college and he just drinks beer and watches Sponge Bob. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
3.5 GPA? C'mon, my dog had a 3.8 and they wouldn't give him a degree... I'm calling the Affirmative Action office. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com) And 10,463 OTHER variations on GPA.
My kitty gets chased by hummingbirds. An MBA would do wonders for his self-esteem. (email@example.com)
Colby Nolan? The kid who got kicked out for doing catnip in school? THAT Colby Nolan?? (firstname.lastname@example.org) And there YOU are with that GED...
Be advised sir, animals do obtain degrees. My dentist, a Sumatra orangutan was highly educated and quite particular about how you flossed before the appointment. Any particles found, he'd throw his own feces at you. (email@example.com)
In a related story, under mounting investigative pressure, George HW Bush admitted to getting his son a degree from Yale in a similar fashion. (firstname.lastname@example.org) You forgot Harvard on top of that.
Just proves that you can get anything with a little pussy (especially if you're an athlete). (email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org)
This just goes to show that if you throw a little pussy at a University you can walk out with an MBA. (Bucko, Go ahead. I dare you.) (email@example.com) I dare! Even though BOTH entrants above beat you to it. (Note: normally only the earliest two submitting the same idea get credited) Sorry, no RAs for this one, smartass!
Wow! The next time I buy a cat, I'll be sure to check his petdegree. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Oy!
For a $1000 they will provide National Guard Dental Records. (email@example.com)
The D.A. became suspicious when Colby came home one weekend wearing a "TSU Fighting Frauds" jersey. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
No big deal.They've been doing that for years in SEC football. (email@example.com) ACC! ACC!
This is important news for all HR people who read resumes! Now they really WILL have to check references. (TPHYLL@aol.com)
Anticipating possible problems, the White House has condemned this as a "partisan witch hunt" by the Democrats. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
What's so strange about a cat having retail management experience? I thought they were great at sleeping on the job... (AUtumnEagl@yahoo.com) War Eagle!
I knew a Manx cat that succeeded in re-tail. (email@example.com)
ReTAIL management - ha ha I get it now. Okay, back to the therapist. (OldNYer@metlife.com)
Well, there goes MY resume! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
In other seemingly unrelated news, to date, 6 members of President Bush's cabinet have resigned. (email@example.com) Uh huh.
Sadly, after joining a fraternity, the cat's GPA dropped to a 1.5. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Great. First it's laborers in Bangladesh, now I'm going to get outsourced to a cat. (email@example.com)
Some may consider this a pet-ty crime..but I think it should be a feline-y. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
So that's where all those athletes are getting their NBAs. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Also where all the idiotic catfights started.
I have a lot of experience with alcohol and drugs, can I get a medical degree? (Ringo@illuSchoen.net)
The Runner-up.... I snap my fingers in appreciation:
A cat that earned it's own degree? I guess that must be one hep cat. (Swoons, Daddyo!) (HerzogVon@aol.com)
And the winner.... looks like this lady got the hook:
Ironically, the real Colby Nolan, a 33 year old "working mother" who graduated from Southern Trinity University, had to go back to walking the streets. Her job as a Madam was rescinded due to questions about her degree. (firstname.lastname@example.org)