(updated 17 Feb 05)

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GAMBLERS ANDROGYNOUS
(Title suggested by noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

LONDON (Reuters) - A Welsh rugby fan was so convinced that England would win again, just like the last 12 years, that Geoff Huish told fellow drinkers, "If Wales wins, I'll cut my balls off." Wales won, 11-9. Afterwards, Huish went home, severed his testicles with a knife and walked 200 yards back to the bar and showed the shocked drinkers what he'd done.
(Topic suggested by old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com; kamasushi@aol.com)

OK, let's get these two out of the way:

I'll bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com; paracletus3@aol.com, and a wrinkled sack full of danglingly similar entries)

He should have welshed on the bet or bet on the Welsh. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com; JOSQUARD@aol.com, and a jelly jar full of others)

If my entry isn't selected, I'll cut off my... um, nevermind. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com; DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) I'm a bit disturbed that TWO of you sent that in.

On the bright side, he can claim that his principles are still intact. (stan@squidworks.com)

No longer able to show his face at rugby matches, the man is now extremely popular in his church choir... he's now singing three octaves higher. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com; NITRAMXXX@aol.com) Bargain Counter-Tenor!

...He then spiked his balls, saying, "The score is now 11-11!" (amfpsych@aol.com)

A witness told police that "The worst part was when he started singing his new theme song--'Take Me Out of the Balls Game.' " (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

When Geoff sobered up the next morning and realized what he did he contemplated suicide, but when it came time to do the act he didn't have the balls. (ANthrStupdSN@aol.com) By then, they were in the jar with the pickled eggs.

Wuss. He had to go home to cut his balls off. A REAL man would have done it in the bar. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Things then went from bad to worse after the Wales team took an involuntary drug test the next day, 6 tested postive, and their win had to be forfeited. (breadmaker1123@yahoo.com) Making Huish's stereo-oid loss even more tragic.

Have you noticed how many times in an article involving rugby or soccer fans that the terms "severed testicles" and "drinkers" come up? (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

Please, don't let this shameful waste continue! Send your generous contributions now to 'Save the Wales.' Give till it hurts, just like Geoff Huish did! (HerzogVon@aol.com; paracletus3@aol.com)

"Is that all?", huffed Lloyd Llewellyn, holding aloft his freshly severed manhood; the complete three piece set. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Ah, the trifecta!

"You @#*! arse", cried his wife. "That's me good knife!" (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

Upon returning to the bar he discovered that instant replay had reversed Wales' last scores. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com; maxcel200@aol.com)

In an equally stupid move, this week the PRINCE of Wales announced he is marrying Camilla Parker Bowles. (Same week as Westminster Dog Show) (skibip@aol.com) COINCIDENCE??

His girlfriend has publicly stated that this is "a relief" and that she has "wanted to do that for years." (bobshush2@yahoo.com)

He walked back to the bar, with difficulty... because it's hard to find a cas-tration open that time of the night. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; Cantw82paint@aol.com)

Now there's an idea. I've been wanting to get my tubes tied for a while....I can bet on something, then just do it myself and skip the insurance company. They only pay half anyway. (watch4whales@yahoo.com) What an egg-scrutiating prospect....

Yeah... sure they were amused... but they still commented "Hey, ain't nothing if you can't tie the vas deferens in a knot with your tongue!" (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)

Honourable Mention -

Because of the severing, the man is no longer able to get drunk at a pub, play rugby, or even make bets, all daring consequences that will withdraw him from Welsh culture further. (noveed@yahoo.com; noncomposmentiss@aol.com) I think that makes him Belgian.

Runner-up - this guy's thinking with the wrong "head:"

After a good look at his "Welsh Rarebits," one of the bar patrons said "I bet those can be re-attached," to which Geoff disagreed, "I'll chop off my Dick If they can!" (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com; HerzogVon@aol.com and 30 other people)

The winner - atop the mounds of entries this round:

Sometimes you feel like a nut... sometimes you don't. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)