(updated 19 Aug 03)

Hosted by Jankath

A VAST RAT THING CONSPIRACY!
(Title by Airforcewon@aol.com)

WASHINGTON -- Researchers who compared human DNA to that of 12 different animals have discovered that humans are more closely related to rats than to carnivores.

Damned Walt Disney. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

Assuming there is a difference between rats and carnivores, depending on what part of New York you live in. (tainsam@aol.com)

...And from what I hear, rats prefer the dark.

That's why I call my mother-in-law Minnie Mouse. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

This gives the term "rat race" a whole new meaning. (handarazuur@hotmail.com)

Upon hearing the news, rats across the country began calling to borrow money. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

Of course the results are slightly skewed by the fact that all the DNA samples were taken from used car dealers. (nafotot@aol.com)

...or...

That'll change when they stop using DNA from lawyers. (skibip@aol.com)

So, like who gives a rat's ass! (internutt9@aol.com)

...No, we refuse to succumb to shameless plugs for HMO, the humor webpage that actually DOES give a rat's ass. Your check is in the mail.

Which is why we have politicians rather than just eating each other. (scalpel@aol.com

The eventual conclusion is the decline of the cattle industry as we replace unsophisticated beef cattle with the genetically superior "rattle." (n_zukowski@hotmail.com)

Unfortunately, it doesn't mean you can catch people in large wooden traps and feed them to cats. (forms@beige.f2s.com)

...Forms@beige has obviously forgotten about the Roman Coliseum.

In unrelated story, cemetery officials report an unusual sound coming from James Cagney's grave, saying, "It sounds a lot like some sort of high-speed rotation." (scalpel@aol.com)

According to today's winner, mashallaha@aol.com, a mouse is just a rat with a lifetime Gold's Gym membership:

Maybe that explains why I spend so much time on that treadmill. (mashallaha@aol.com)