(updated 19 Aug 03)
Hosted by Jankath
A VAST RAT THING CONSPIRACY!
(Title by Airforcewon@aol.com)
WASHINGTON -- Researchers who compared human DNA to that of 12 different animals have discovered that humans are more closely related to rats than to carnivores.
Damned Walt Disney. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Assuming there is a difference between rats and carnivores, depending on what part of New York you live in. (email@example.com)
...And from what I hear, rats prefer the dark.
That's why I call my mother-in-law Minnie Mouse. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)
This gives the term "rat race" a whole new meaning. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Upon hearing the news, rats across the country began calling to borrow money. (email@example.com)
Of course the results are slightly skewed by the fact that all the DNA samples were taken from used car dealers. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
That'll change when they stop using DNA from lawyers. (email@example.com)
So, like who gives a rat's ass! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...No, we refuse to succumb to shameless plugs for HMO, the humor webpage that actually DOES give a rat's ass. Your check is in the mail.
Which is why we have politicians rather than just eating each other. (email@example.com
The eventual conclusion is the decline of the cattle industry as we replace unsophisticated beef cattle with the genetically superior "rattle." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Unfortunately, it doesn't mean you can catch people in large wooden traps and feed them to cats. (email@example.com)
...Forms@beige has obviously forgotten about the Roman Coliseum.
In unrelated story, cemetery officials report an unusual sound coming from James Cagney's grave, saying, "It sounds a lot like some sort of high-speed rotation." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
According to today's winner, email@example.com, a mouse is just a rat with a lifetime Gold's Gym membership:
Maybe that explains why I spend so much time on that treadmill. (firstname.lastname@example.org)