(updated 19 Dec 03)

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Thugar and thpice...

Wichita, Kansas (CNN) -- Police were called to a loud fight at a home on the east side of Wichita. Officers gave this report: After the argument, the boyfriend tried to give the girlfriend a makeup kiss. Instead, she bit off a large part of his tongue. Police recovered the piece, and it was re-attached at a Wichita hospital.
(News story suggested by RWich928@aol.com)

...and now, the first ever "Your-Email-Address-Is-Funnier-Than-Your-Entry Award" goes to...

Good thing she doesn't swallow! (donttellmywifeaboutthisentry@doghouse.com)

If the bells of quarrel are rung...be careful where you put your tongue! The roots of which won't grow anew- When more's bit off than you can chew! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

When police questioned the girlfriend as to why she bit her boyfriend's tongue off, she replied, "It's the only part of him worth keeping." (tenaciousfiend24@sbcglobal.net)

Gentlemen: Repeat, please. Yes, dear...yes, Dear...YES DEAR....keep at it. (Doug0320@aol.com)

This just in - the couple were actually the Osbournes. This is actually a perfectly normal event for them. Do not be alarmed. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"Leftfield Award? Here ya go..."

After years of verbal abuse and putting up with the Tin Man's small rod, rusty sex drive and odd metallic clanking, being taunted about her tryst with Glinda and the Mayor of Munchkin Land was the last straw for Dorothy, who was overheard after the incident yelling "You've never learned to use that thing properly anyway!" (not2greedy69@aol.com)

While prosecutors in the case have expressed confidence, the defense has also, citing that they will be presenting an oral argument. (DeepThought07@aol.com)

Part 2 of 2: The tongue-shortened man was rushed To the hospital in a great fuss The missing piece was sewed To nether parts below Now oral sex is a must. (nellen2003@yahoo.com) Uh...Sorry Nellen, but Part 1 didn't make the cut.

The girlfriend's father, Mr. Lechter, posted bail shortly after. (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)

Clearly, this woman had an overbite. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

All the man could say was "Thit!" (Pootybrew@earthlink.net, redbarron1010@aol.com)

...and the Winner ith...

Turns out it was Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. She had been punk'd. (lacee7700@aol.com)

>Click here for thum punth<