That's the LAST Time I Get Called 'Trashy'!
(Header indignantly suggested by email@example.com)
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (Sun-Sentinel) -- Wendy Cobb, 38, who was searching for aluminum cans in a trash bin, was dumped into the back of a garbage truck after the driver emptied the bin without realizing the woman was inside, police said. A carpet installer working nearby heard Cobb's screams and alerted the truck driver, who was about to press the compacting button.
(Waste of a good story by Kamasushi@gmail.com)
Well, well! Another record number of entries! Keep up the malicious work, gang!
On the bright side, she wouldn’t have to crush the cans herself. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Yes, I know most won't take this seriously. Sadly, this is what happens when you live in a state like Taxxachusetts. You'll do anything to make money and avoid paying taxes. (WJKBase@aol.com)
The carpet installer later asked the woman "what was a nice girl like you doing in a dump like that?" (probably one of a thousand enties with this ditty) (email@example.com) Incredible! Max was the ONLY ONE with this gag?
In exchange for not pursuing a lawsuit, the garbage truck company has agreed to give Ms. Cobb first dibs from the garbage cans of all local fraternity houses. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Of several she had found, the woman was eating a sticky wrinkled fruit just before the mishap...not the first time however that a woman has been dumped after the first date! (email@example.com)
That carpet installer's name? C. Threepeyo! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Geek!
I'm just a tad curious. How is it that a carpet installer was working "nearby?" What was he installing? Astroturf? (email@example.com; GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com, one other attempted cover-up)
It just goes to show you, "White Trash" can be recycled. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com, others who'll pick up anything)
Ya know, a lot of women that age would kill for a smaller ass, even if it involved the stink of garbage for a few minutes. All I'm saying is, opportunity wasted. (firstname.lastname@example.org; GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
"Who`s getin` cans from out of the dumpster? Who didn't eat in over a week? Who almost got their ass turned to burger? Everyone knows it's Wendy!" (email@example.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com, several other one-hit wonders) 5 "Association" entries, not ONE "Steppenwolf" entry. I am SO bummed!
I'm not saying she was ugly, but the only way to get a guy to pick her up was to pose as garbage. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
As women the world over have often said, "Thank God for carpet munchers." (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com, a few others who dove in)
The installer, an alumnus of Carpet U, altruistically allocuted the amalgam of the illimitable allelopathy to the ill-informed, aloof putz. (firstname.lastname@example.org) WHAT??!!
A spokesman for the Sanitation Department commented, "Many women get dumped this way, and we just never SEE them. Usually they're over 50 years old, though." (AuntShecky711@aol.com; email@example.com, & other angsters)
The bitch was so single-minded. You can recycle tin cans, soda bottles, and newspaper, too, you know. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
"Cans","into the back", "emptied the bin", "the woman was inside", "carpet installer", "Cobb's screams", "press the compacting button"....you could probably rearrange the words in this story into dialogue for a really bizzare porno flick. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) And you didn't send in this wonderfully perverse scene because....?
The carpet man later explained that he liked women's breasts and that he thought it would be a shame to compact a size 38. (HerzogVon@aol.com)
The driver's mistake was that he was picking up trash late, just like on Saturday nights at his favorite hick club. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Co-Runners-Up - Because trash is as trash does:
When asked for comment, President Bush proudly stated that Cobb's "entreprenoorness spirit is uniquely American," he also commended the driver in his "efforts to squelch homelessness." He also said "the carpet guy's a good guy, too." (email@example.com)
"Thank God" said Cobb, "I might have spent eternity squashed in with Bill O'Reilly's credibility and Sean Hannity's opinions." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
The Winner - Finishing the job before the carpet guy laid her:
The stunned driver rushed hurriedly back, caught a good look at her face and attire, and slowly walked back to the compacting button. (RWich928@aol.com)