The China Sinusdrome
(Header drained from Airfarcewon@aol.com)
HONG KONG -- Doctors have removed a 2 inch leech from the nose of a woman after she swam and washed her face in a stream, a medical journal reported. The patient was taken to the emergency room, where doctors identified the problem as a bloodsucking leech. Part of the slimy leech was in a passage of her nasal cavity & a larger segment was in her sinus cavity. Doctors used a nasal spray to anesthetize the dark brown leech. After two minutes, the leech moved slowly out of the sinus and was retrieved with forceps. The article said the leech could have caused suffocation if it moved into the patient's larynx, or voice box.
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The medical term for this condition is Leech-In-Air's Disease. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Will nasal spray anesthetize my deadbeat roomate so I can move him off the couch too? (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) I'll leave when I damn well feel like it.
Reportedly the country of China was ready to invade the woman's nose when the leech inside declared its independence, but through diplomacy, hospital doctors were able to avert this drastic action. (JOSQUARD@aol.com)
The leech also had an American Bar Association membership card. (email@example.com)
The Internal Revenue Service has denied having anything to do with this. All bloodsucking leeches in their employ have been accounted for. (Eleman8859@aol.com)
Couldn't happen here. Pollution killed all the leeches, except the ones in Congress (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
It turns out that the leech in question was actually Danny Bonaduce, who thought that the woman was a TV executive, and he simply made a wrong turn as he approached her rectum. (email@example.com) Man, you are SERIOUSLY messed up. Congrats!
When the bill came, however, the woman was heard mu-cussing at the top of her lungs. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com, & a crowd screwed by the OTHER kind of HMO)
Last I heard, the only bloodsuckers around the medical profession were the ambulance chasers. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com; firstname.lastname@example.org & others seeking damages)
You know, this story for some reason reminds me of my ex, I only wish it had been that easy to get rid of the little cheating bastard. (email@example.com)
Ooh! Imagine what might have happened if she'd been skinny dipping! Eeeeeeeeeeeek! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; WJKbase@aol.com & others) That does it! I'm revoking your "cute & innocent" card!
My mama always told me something bad would happen to me if I kept picking my nose and eating it! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Lifestyles of the enrichened sinus, starring Robin the Leech. (HerzogVon@aol.com)
"In a related story, the leech is now playing off-Broadway in a revival of 'The Merchant of Venice....'" (email@example.com)
Only 2 inches? Usually leeches claim to be 6 inches or more. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Tyg? You've done too much field research. Head to the clinic.
Good thing it wasn't Barbra Streisand - she could have harbored a whole colony of those things in there. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)
Yeah, sure, she was "washing her face." I'll be that's the last time she gives a guy a nose job. (email@example.com)
I wonder how much 4-Way it would take to get rid of deadbeat relatives? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Jay, I don't think group sex is the answer.
It was later noted that the leech moved to America and became a very successful divorce attorney. No I am not bitter about my divorce (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org and many depressed, angry people)
Even worse, doctors added that had the leech reached the victim's voice box, the victim could've been relegated to sing like American Idol contestant William Hung for the rest of her life. (JOSQUARD@aol.com) AAAAGH!
Honorable Mention - he can bleed a profit out of anything:
We know HMO doesn't take advertising, but, we have the exclusive World Wide Rights to our brand new product "Leech O Silence." Mother-in-Laws, wives and other gabby people never know what happened. Easy to apply, follow the simple directions. Silence Is Golden Inc. (Patent Pending) (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) (Note from Cad: It's not that we don't take advertising...it's just that no one has ever OFFERED to pay us for anything...unfortunately.)
Runner-up - the press yanked out the TRUTH (but didn't want to handle it):
When asked for comment, the patient told reporters, "It was a horribly disgusting ordeal... but I'm doing much better now that I'm out of there." (email@example.com)
The Winner - to be seen on the next episode of "Who's He Sucking Now?":
After removing the leech the Doctors realized it was Kato Kaelin and sent him back to LA. (firstname.lastname@example.org)