(updated 20 Aug 05)

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Want Ad: "Titan Uranus looking for good seamen"
(Header rammed into berth by thedraugr@yahoo.com; seeker@vcoms.net)

Woollahra, Australia (Sydney Morning Herald) Some linguistic surprises are the least intentional, like the unfortunately-named planet Uranus.* Self-proclaimed local expert David ("no surname, please") pointed out that the fleet of cargo ships owned by the Titan Line "are all named after the Titans of Greek mythology. So you have ships like Titan Prometheus, etc. Uranus was also a Titan, so? Yep - there's a ship plying the high seas christened 'Titan Uranus.' "
(Topic run aground by rochford@netaus.net.au)

Sorry about the delay, gang. In short: Dentistry. Contractors. Lightning = Fried cable modem & motherboard. It ain't been a good week.... (sympathy cash & sex gladly accepted).

The owner of the Titan line is also a masochist who loves prostate exams, which explains the christening of his latest ship, 'Titan Urethra'. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

The Herald went on to state that "...There was a pantheon of Gods known as the 'Gonors'", that preceded the Titans, and that this series is being used by a Titan Line subsidiary in conjunction with the names of some of the lesser known moons of the solar system, such as Dion, and, lawd awmighty...Rhea...so yes, there will be a ship called "The Gonor Rhea"....! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

*Of course, it's actually pronounced "YOOR-un-us" by scientists, classical scholars & other enlightened folk.... and, apparently, in Texas. On the brighter side, nobody sent a "pee" joke.

Unfortunately, when they were painting names, they misspelled one and ended up with the 'Titan Herpes'. (nstn@statefarm.com)

OK, inevitably, there are some "gay jokes" in here, but I'm impressed with the number of you taking the Mythology route!

I hope they do better than Icarus Airlines. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) Yeah, like that!

Old Olympus' towering tops rumble to this day with the simmering wrath of the as-yet-unrecognized Titan, Mynuts. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

You have to board from the rear. (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com) Everybody: "DUH!!" Also, according to Masters & Johnson, not necessarily true.

Eh, it could still be worse. At least the cargo ships weren't owned by the Phillip Line. (manpretty@gmail.com)

That ship is very popular in San Francisco. (rampage1984@msn.com) Key West, too!

Does this have anything to do with the sphincting of the Titanic? (sorry, I'll go lock myself in with the steerage passengers) (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

"Some linguistic surprises are the least intentional", but David knows that the oh-so-ironically-named ship is very much intentional since the owners of the Titan Line are gay. (redcherri817@yahoo.com) That's not irony, it's sub-terfuge.

Unfortunately, the ship was ripped apart several days later after a collision with the Hiram Johnson. (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

If you've ever been on a Greek cruise, you realize that "Titan Uranus" is quality advice. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com; NonComposMentiss@aol.com, LOTS of other Spartan Dogs)

I mean, I had to do this on my daughter's bloody laptop on dial-up. The things I suffer through for you guys....

The Titan Uranus ship is said to be carrying millions of bars of soap that people refused to pick up after dropping in the shower in Greece. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

It's a Constipation Class ship. (rod.renner@juno.com) <<TREKKIE!!

Their next line of cruise ships will include a floating boxing venue called Titan Fightinus, and a brothel called Titan Uterus. (guitartexn@aol.com)

There's also a fleet of gerbils scampering up and down the poop deck of Titan Uranus. (lacee7700@aol.com; maxcel200@aol.com) Wish this was a stupid myth... sometimes my friends tell me stuff that I just don't need to know. Do I tell THEM about me, the werewolf and the extra-virgin Greek olive oil? No!

The Titan Uranus: hopefully not a ship sunk by loose lips! (maxcel200@aol.com)

The crew still did not understand why the U.S. Navy sailors were giggling, whistling, and winking at them. (We in the Air Force do know however) (jisargent66@yahoo.com) Idiot! Nobody asked, and you TOLD!

Weeb Ewbank once coached the New York Titans. Strange as it may seem, I can't recall a Titan Ewbank...unless it's a code name for Alan Greenspan. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Good Gaia, Tethys the most rediculous topic yet. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com; murdoctor@aol.com) Bullfinch!

Honorable Mention - Making sure that even Disney gets his:

Mickey Mouse was quick to chime in, saying that "Titan Pluto" had nothing to do with him. Honest. (cdmauger@aol.com)

Runner-Up - It's intellectual, it's historic, who cares if it's revisionist?

There is some controversy over the name.While some scholars believe that the ship Titan Uranus was named after one of the Greek Titans, there is mounting evidence that the name comes from an inscription over the opening of one of the early Roman baths. (jenalt2001@yahoo.com)

The Winner - Call him a cockeyed optimist:

Now we can hope for that magical day when disaster strikes and we may use the headline, 'An Iceberg Sunk Titan Uranus'. (thedraugr@yahoo.com)