(updated 20 Nov 03)

Hosted by El Guapo

"We're so sorry, he was such a sweet, sweet man."

NABUTAUTAU, Fiji -- Villagers in a remote Fijian community staged an elaborate ceremony of apology Thursday for the relatives of a British missionary killed and eaten there.

PSA- for those of you who want no part of the vicious Pun Wars held at HMO, please read past the next four volleys:

They weren't REALLY sorry... were just Fijian them a line. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

This whole story sounds like a "Can-a-Bull-ism". At any rate, it's pretty hard to swallow. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) (OUCH, cheesier than Velveeta!)

After the ceremony a dinner featuring Fish and French Friars was served. (L1061S@go.com)

The remains were recovered when British officials raided "The Fij", a primitive native food storage device. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

... and now, back to our "normal" off-the-wall entries:

A grandson of one of the missionaries was heard to comment that the beef jerky served at the ceremonial dinner "brought back fond memories of grandfather". (jenalt2001@yahoo.com)

Had to be a ceremony. Don't think Hallmark makes a card for that. (williemelmoth@aol.com, Austinstoy@aol.com, et al)

FRENCH missionary was the featured entree at the reception following the ceremony. (skibip@aol.com)

While the family wasn't officially invited for an "elaborate ceremony of apology" per se, they were "invited to dinner". (razcactus@netzero.com)

I hate having to make those "day after the party" apologies (changetion@yahoo.com)

... and this week's "Out of Left Field Award" goes to:

They blame it on their poor quality of old television reruns of "FISH" and "CHiPS". (gregparsons1968@aol.com)

It all began as a tragic miscommunication when the missionary asked at the village restaurant if they served clergy there. (cringe4242@earthlink.net) <insert Rim-shot here>

In their apology, the villagers added a complimentary comment about British missionaries being much better than the American Mormon's, who were always too salty. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The Nabutautau Noshery was promptly dropped to one and a half stars in the latest Michelin Guide. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Overheard in the serving line: "Hey, Dad, I don't care much for your friend." "That's OK, son, just eat your vegetables then." (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

The formal dinner included liver, some fava beans and a light chianti. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) "Thp-thp-thp-thp-thp"

Curses! Broiled again! (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

The ceremony came to a quick halt, however, when it was revealed that the 'apology' was naming a hero sandwich after him (mikepena@socal.rr.com)

... and the winner is ...

...now, will the relatives kindly step into the cauldron of shame as we light the fire of forgiveness, and add the spices of sorrow.... (MrglsJon@aol.com)