(updated 21 May 03)

Hosted by Jankath

(Title By Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

ATLANTA -- Ted Turner has revealed that even though he has had a great career, won the America's Cup, and had three wives and numerous girlfriends, he worries because he is now down to his last billion.

OK. I've never done this before, but due to the graphic nature of our topic, I must share a story with you.

A mature friend (I'll call her Joan) lived in a very affluent area not far from my house, and across the street from her lived a young couple. For today's purposes, the young wife's name was Mae.

One day, Mae was visiting Joan. They were in Joan's kitchen, and Mae asked Joan what she was doing.

Joan said, "I'm cutting out coupons."

Mae: "Coupons? What for?"

Joan: "For groceries." (Yeah, I learned that some of you rich people do that.)

Mae: "But what IS a coupon for groceries?"

Joan: "Well, Mae, if I take this coupon to the grocery store, I get cents off the price of whatever item I'm buying."

Mae: "Wow, I didn't know you could do that. Where do you buy the coupons?"

Joan: "Uh... they come in the Sunday paper."

Mae: "Really - that's so cool. I'll get my maid to start picking up a Sunday paper and cutting them out."

True story. (Mae is kin by marriage to the richest man in the world - and yes, she's a natural blond. I hope she's not reading this. On second thought, not to worry - she'd never even get it.)

Now let's Turner to today's Classics, or as Baitsmotel6@aol.com calls it, "A little bit of T-BS":

Yeah, who's gonna want him now? (StarGazer787@aol.com)

Down to his last billion what? Sperm? (LeslieFan@hotmail.com)

Boo-freakin'-hoo. (drevil@evil.com)

I felt the same way when I got down to my last pack of Chicken Flavored Ramien Noodles a few days back. (gregparsons68@yahoo.com)

Now we know why Jane isn't "Fonda" him any more! (Pastlivesr6@aol.com)

Cheer up, Ted. A billion will buy you plenty of Viagra. (Chick65@aol.com)

His America's Cup runneth out? (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

This is a job for Sally Struthers. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Evidently he's now aware that there ain't enough left to buy his way out of eternal damnation. (chefrandy@charter.net)

I'd be worried too. He's just one golddigging fat-a$$ed ex-Playmate from losing it all. (laugh@starpower.net)

There's the former wives and girlfriends, but the relationships he tries hardest to forget are ....... AOL and Time-Warner. (TZMAC@aol.com)

Looks like Andrew Jackson will take over Ben Franklin's job of wiping Ted's a$$. (mr_didgers@hotmail.com)

The Lord giveth and Ted Turner pissith it away. (Twodubbyaz@aol.com)

Today's winner, KatSut78@aol.com, has nothing but sympathy for poor Ted - too broke and alone to supersize his Whopper:

He is afraid that he will go from Ted Turner, Billionaire...to Ted, Turner of Hamburgers!! (KatSut78@aol.com)