(updated 21 Sep 04)

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Our Fined Feathered Friends

LONDON (Reuters) -- Britain's pigeon racers are being subjected to random dope tests as the sport's ruling body clamps down on suspected foul play. The Royal Pigeon Racing Association has sent test kits to 60 race organizers across England after complaints some birds have been given performance-enhancing drugs such as anabolic steroids and synthetic hormones.

It has since been decided that the organizers be given the dope tests. (WJKbase@aol.com)

"Clean" pigeon urine is now running at all time highs on the black market. (william.fishburne@verizon.net) Actually they take stool pidgeon samples... is there a fortune on YOUR shoulder?

Steroids? So, who needs a test kit? just look for the bird with muscles. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Or the pigeon whose landings are cushioned by his testicles.

The RPRA employees have filed a grievance with their union, claiming that trying to get a pigeon to pee in a cup is not part of their job description. (cdmauger@aol.com)

Officials became suspecious when three pigeons tried to join Britian's Olympic Track team. (L1061S@go.com)

The Royal Peacock Association immediately followed suit, as it had received complaints from former owners claiming that some bird's entrancing feather patterns had been artificially "enhanced". (paracletus3@aol.com) Using synthetic dyes? you think if you gave one LSD the patterns would be "trippier"?*

British entrepreneur, Richard Branson, announced a new product for sale: Virgin Pigeon Urine. (skibip@aol.com) Hasn't that been out for a while? oh no. i'm thinking of Virgin Cola (with a hint of bird piss).

Those caught with doped birds will be forced to eat English food for a month. (scalpel@aol.com) Hey shut up! Our burned blood clot puddings and pies made from organs involved in the production of urine are offel-licking-good!

*Runner up, for pure gut wrenching groanocity ;)*

Next thing you know, they'll be running drug tests on bridge players, thinking that London Bridge is falling down. (tphyll@aol.com)

Win!!!

Give these people credit - you try standing outside in the seedy parts of London for 3 days trying to score some pigeon hormone drugs. (CaptainCrazee@earthlink.net)