(updated 23 Apr 03)

Hosted by Jankath

SICK OF SPAM

CALIFORNIA -- Yahoo researchers have confirmed the existence of a condition called PPMT (Pre- and Post-Mail Tension), caused by the fear that private emails could ruin a person's life.

Sheesh, you guys. Just because a headline doesn't contain the word "breast" doesn't mean you hafta go on strike!

PPMT?...I would take that to mean Pee Pee Mountain. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

This research was conducted during the twenty odd minutes a day that the Yahoo wahoos DIDN'T spend inserting commercials into every friggin' posting!! [ Now, tell me you got 136 of THAT one! Harumph! ] (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Don't they mean PUBLIC e-mails? (edberger@aol.com)

Nope, that's just guilt. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

So does this mean that porn spam mail leaves one Frisky Under Carnal Tension? (Guitartexn@aol.com)

This research has resulted in Yahoo's marketing department emailing all 3 million of its male patrons, suggesting they remove the 69 from the end of their screen names. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

To all HMOers. as a Californian I can tell you - don't worry. We are all nuts here. And Yahoo out here means HOLLYWOOD. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

That's why I never try to win "Top Ten" ... they might send me one of those congratulatory emails! (Cheez412@aol.com)

...Yeah - THAT'S why I don't "try to win" either (cough).

All it takes is 37 cents to lick this problem. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Yep. Too much Spam is unhealthy, no matter how you take it in. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

...Although as a result of the constant attention to e-mail, sufferers usually have a significantly lower amount of stress in other parts of their lives, such as where to find a good mortgage quote, where to play poker, and methods of penis enlargement. (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

You've Got Stress. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

The anxiety can be reduced by taking mail hormones. (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com)

...Although it is not as bad as JDSS (Justice Dept. Stress Syndrome) first diagnosed in Bill Gates, when his private e-mails were subpoenaed. (skibip@aol.com)

...Or ILSS (Iraqi Leader Stress Syndrome), first diagnosed when a bunch of little Husseins were exposed to our Privates...and Sergeants, etc.

And the related condition PSHM (Post-Spam Homicidal Mania) where you want to gut mass-mailers like a fish. (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

Impetus for the study came when it was realized that virtually all Yahoo! employees weren't getting enough government handouts. (laugh@starpower.net)

Another condition called PPMT-PMS was also found - a lethal combination they fear may end up destroying the whole world. (jeriandgeo@aol.com)

Today's winner, Cheez412@aol.com, read in the handbook that every Yahoo employee is issued a tube of pimple cream:

And lord knows what kind of geniuses they've got over at the prestigious Yahoo Research Institution, a.k.a. "Carl's basement." (Cheez412@aol.com)