(updated 23 Apr 03)
Hosted by Jankath
SICK OF SPAM
CALIFORNIA -- Yahoo researchers have confirmed the existence of a condition called PPMT (Pre- and Post-Mail Tension), caused by the fear that private emails could ruin a person's life.
Sheesh, you guys. Just because a headline doesn't contain the word "breast" doesn't mean you hafta go on strike!
PPMT?...I would take that to mean Pee Pee Mountain. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)
This research was conducted during the twenty odd minutes a day that the Yahoo wahoos DIDN'T spend inserting commercials into every friggin' posting!! [ Now, tell me you got 136 of THAT one! Harumph! ] (HerzogVon@aol.com)
Don't they mean PUBLIC e-mails? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Nope, that's just guilt. (email@example.com)
So does this mean that porn spam mail leaves one Frisky Under Carnal Tension? (Guitartexn@aol.com)
This research has resulted in Yahoo's marketing department emailing all 3 million of its male patrons, suggesting they remove the 69 from the end of their screen names. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)
To all HMOers. as a Californian I can tell you - don't worry. We are all nuts here. And Yahoo out here means HOLLYWOOD. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)
That's why I never try to win "Top Ten" ... they might send me one of those congratulatory emails! (Cheez412@aol.com)
...Yeah - THAT'S why I don't "try to win" either (cough).
All it takes is 37 cents to lick this problem. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)
Yep. Too much Spam is unhealthy, no matter how you take it in. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...Although as a result of the constant attention to e-mail, sufferers usually have a significantly lower amount of stress in other parts of their lives, such as where to find a good mortgage quote, where to play poker, and methods of penis enlargement. (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)
You've Got Stress. (email@example.com)
The anxiety can be reduced by taking mail hormones. (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com)
...Although it is not as bad as JDSS (Justice Dept. Stress Syndrome) first diagnosed in Bill Gates, when his private e-mails were subpoenaed. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...Or ILSS (Iraqi Leader Stress Syndrome), first diagnosed when a bunch of little Husseins were exposed to our Privates...and Sergeants, etc.
And the related condition PSHM (Post-Spam Homicidal Mania) where you want to gut mass-mailers like a fish. (email@example.com)
Impetus for the study came when it was realized that virtually all Yahoo! employees weren't getting enough government handouts. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Another condition called PPMT-PMS was also found - a lethal combination they fear may end up destroying the whole world. (email@example.com)
Today's winner, Cheez412@aol.com, read in the handbook that every Yahoo employee is issued a tube of pimple cream:
And lord knows what kind of geniuses they've got over at the prestigious Yahoo Research Institution, a.k.a. "Carl's basement." (Cheez412@aol.com)