(updated 23 Dec 04)
Hosted by Slyph
Well, Slyph is going to take a little hiatus so he can attend to personal things...in the interim period, Bucko has graciously agreed to fill in.
How Do You Handle a Hungry Man?
(Header suggested by Dubya@liarsclub.net)
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight then cooked the man's body in tomato and onion sauce and ate it over three days.
(Topic suggested by firstname.lastname@example.org)
(Remember, any lack of "taste" is the judge's fault for selecting it from the menu.)
This Week's Ritual Abuse:
"I will NOT post mean-spirited gay-bashing entries?" What about mean-spirited Mexican-bashing entries? No problem with them, you devil-child?? I oughta kill you and cook you in a peppery-sweet sauce I am working on. I think it needs more cilantro, though. Oh, and if you could, bring some carrots to the murdering. Thanks. (email@example.com)
The killer, one Paco Bell, was last sighted making a run for the border. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Of the 3,402 Taco Bell entries, yo quiero este mas grande.
The "I Can't Believe Only One of You Sent This" Section:
Here today, gone tamale. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
He misunderstood when his partner said, "You never make me a nice dinner!" (email@example.com)
What a horrible way tequila man! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Oh, Daphne....
He did say he was having a friend for dinner. (TPHYLL@aol.com)
Hmmm....*taking notes to cash in on life insurance* what a great way to dispose of a body! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The "Grated Minds Think Alike" Section:
When asked why he ate the man, the assailant replied that his friend was the only thing in the country that was Atkins Friendly. (email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org)
Gee, I guess the guys lover shouldn't had ended their argument with the words "bite me"... it was the last thing the neghbors heard. (email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org)
He enjoyed it with some refried fava beans and a nice Chianti... (email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org) But silently.
The "Safe from Sex" Section:
Upon his arrest, the man was ardent in making known that besides tomato and onion there was also fresh basil, cilantro, arugula, and Cabernet Sauvignon. (email@example.com) AHA! It WAS the Stumbling Chef!
... and somewhere, a light bulb appears over a "Desperate Housewives" writer's head. (MrglsJon@aol.com)
Now I'm really frightened when Grandma says, "I love you so much I could just eat you!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Well let's hope he didn't drink the water for God's sake. (email@example.com) Kudos for being the only one to remotely go there.
Sure, smoking pot doesn't hurt anyone else. Until you get the munchies that is... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Is it just me, or is the sentence structure on this news report just awful. Come on, Reuters, stop hiring journalists who got their degree from Trinity Southern University. (SPTirish@aol.com)
The "redneck" Mafia now is motivated to have a hitman do the deed, then hold a barbecue. (email@example.com)
When asked by reporters why he killed and ate the other man, he simply replied, "he claimed he was tough... turns out he wasn't." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
What? No cheese? How gauche. (email@example.com) You can't serve meat with cheese! It isn't Kosher!
His neighbors insisted that he was not that kind of guy. They were even more stunned when they heard about the murder. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Gay homicidal Mexican cannibals? Wasn't that on Jerry Springer just last week? (Truckerex@insightbb.com) DAMMIT! So much for my stories source...
When questioned by authorities, the man (a devout PETA activist) was quoted as saying, "What's the problem officers? I killed for food, not for sport." (email@example.com)
If the done-in guy was named Brad..then I hope he was wise enough to have some veggies on the side..because as you know, "Man cannot live on Brad, alone." (Airfarcewon@aol.com) One of your best! Or worst. I'm not sure.
His mom was tardy to correct him, "Cook a meal FOR your special someone! FOR..." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
So that's what happened to Richard Simmons. (email@example.com) We wish...
The next time you eat Mexican be careful not to order 'refried beings'! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The "Hope I Didn't Go Too Far" Section:
"Pedro, don't get on that bus to Mexico City! The book..."How to Do a Man"....it's a cookbook!!! (email@example.com) A faboo entry that all too few will get.
This takes 'I wanna feel you from the inside' to a whole new level. (Mistahtom@aol.com)
Mexican, huh? Wonder how many tacos that guy filled... (firstname.lastname@example.org) I don't think that's any of our business, Wulf.
Man, talk about having your beef cake and eating it too... (email@example.com)
The Runner-up.... funny, yet frighteningly possible:
A U.S. National Guard unit, short of funds, bought what was left over and named it, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" MREs. (Humorbear@aol.com)
And the winner.... it was written in such good taste:
Reuters later corrected the story, saying the man was not in the tomato and onion sauce... the poof was in the pudding. (firstname.lastname@example.org)