The Age of Aquarium
(Header courtesy of the "Hair" band featuring Airfarcewon@aol.com and Murdoctor@aol.com)
MELBOURNE, Australia (Reuters) -- An Australian woman was found to be carrying 51 live tropical fish after custom officials were alerted by "flipping" noises coming from beneath her skirt as she arrived at the airport.
(Topic smuggled in by Kamasushi@gmail.com)
Way to go, gang! Record catch of entries, and nearly drove me in-seine deciding which would sink and which would swim....
OK, let's get it out of the way:
Geez! Seems like everyone BUT the customs officials could smell this one coming from a mile away. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com, and a stinking LOT of other "fish"ers)
This one's a subtly-implied & distinct variant:
Y'know, there are only two things in the world that smell like tuna...and one of them is tuna. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Leave the woman alone, she was just trying to create her own tropical panty paradise. Will fantasies ever cease? (ESH3404716@aol.com)
Way Down Under in the PawPaw Patch. (email@example.com)
"Mom, have you ever felt, you know, not so fresh?" (Kamasushi@gmail.com) Do women really HAVE this conversation?
Just a quick fact - fish in an Australian's underwear swim in the opposite direction from fish in a Canadian's underwear. Don't ask me how I know this - I don't want to talk about it. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
Airline employees first became suspicious when the woman's water broke and she delivered a 1-ounce tetra. (firstname.lastname@example.org; ParisIuvsMe@aol.com & several other unlicensed midwives)
Sadly and often, women have to do something extraordinary to put excitement into their lives. (WJKbase@aol.com) Oh. I didn't realize she was your wife.
Officials were further amazed when a cavity search revealed 137 more flopping-fish, 6 air-pumps, and one grinning Aborigine fisherman. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Wow . . . water retention on a whole new scale. (email@example.com)
Would that make them ick-thigh-ologists? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Aha, so the old "I have abnormally large labia" doesn't work as a defense, eh? (email@example.com) Read my lips: No.
The woman explained, "What's the problem? These are flying fish." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Several of the officers offered to grab their poles to get them out...no strings attached. (CaptainCrazee@earthlink.net)
...and her screams of "Oh, yes...oh yes...oh YES!" (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
When asked if she had anything to declare, the woman replied, No, Nothi....OOOoHHhh.....nothing !" (email@example.com) Make up your damn mind, lady!
The woman was handcuffed when officials found weed in a puffer fish and a ziz zag eel. (firstname.lastname@example.org; Cantw82paint@aol.com)
It wasn't the flipping that gave her away. It was the kangaroo, Tasmanian Devil and kiwi all fighting over a proposed fish fry. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org) Crowded under there. But no platypuss?
When asked why someone would smuggle fish across a border, the police chief said, "These are killer fish, with laser beams on their foreheads." (email@example.com)
Thanks to a creative comb-over, the koala went unseen. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
As she was dragged off to jail, she hollered, 'So long, and thanks for all the fish." (firstname.lastname@example.org) She was then clammed up by Officer Dent-Arthur-Dent.
Honorable Mention - In spite of the shameless attempt at product placement:
My GOD, I KNEW there was something wrong with my tropical fish douche! (email@example.com) Product name: "Bass n' Gill"
Co-Runners-Up - This woman was dorkin' for Orkin:
"One customs officer was heard to comment at the time that she either had unique contraband under her skirt or had the largest and LOUDEST case of crabs known to man!" (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com, others bugging me)
The Winner - He got away with it, too:
"You should have seen the one that got away," said the little man in the boat. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)