(updated 23 Nov 04)
Hosted by Slyph
Well, Slyph is missing somewhere...so I figured we would go on without him...so in the interim period, Bucko has graciously agreed to take a turn at it.
Battle of the Smaller Bulge: Brussels' Sprouts Raise Krauts' Doubts
(Header suggested by firstname.lastname@example.org; follow-up suggested by HerzogVon@aol.com)
(Ananova from Orange) -- Germany has demanded a rethink on EU guidelines on condom size after finding its average penis did not measure up. Doctors around Essen were ordered by the government's health department to check out the average size suggested by Brussels.
(Topic suggested by email@example.com)
Well, the mailbox was just swollen with entries...
Well, I guess the Germans aren't so cock-sure of themselves anymore! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Somebody had to say it.
European Doctors judge Brussels Sprouts better than German Sausage. (email@example.com)
First time I've heard of anyone arguing over the size of Brussels' sprouts. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Never been in a girls' locker room in Antwerp, have you?
"...In a related story, the country's sausage makers and plastic surgeons have hit upon an innovative new surgical procedure..." (email@example.com) Wurst idea I've ever heard.
It didn't burst their bubble, but it did prick their balloon. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Tell you what: I'll just forward them all those "organ enhancement" ads that keep showing up in my mailbox. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
Sounds like a Herr raising problem to me. (email@example.com).
God only knows what the French plan to complain about next. (firstname.lastname@example.org) See below.
German women flee to France. (email@example.com)
In other news, Africans the world over have been seen doubled over with tears coming from their eyes. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Must be the "bird flu."
A later news story added that this inspection will be firmly enforced. (email@example.com) Well, really no other way, is there?
The Doctors complied with the health department it promised to pay for all bar tabs the doctors would incur in order to obtain this touchy information. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Of course the Belgians think everything is supposed to be bigger, have you seen their waffles? (email@example.com)
Thus brings to mind an old smoking ad: Show us your LARK. (firstname.lastname@example.org) I'm too polite to mention what that says about your age... nah, no I'm not.
865 gay German men showed up the next day with their measuring "tools" in hand. (email@example.com)
How about you dorks looking into doing something about the MEN? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
Thye've added two new sizes, small and extra small but will be calling them large and medium. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Clearly, they've been talking to the McDonald's people.
Scientists now know that one should never base scientific data on penis stats given in chat rooms. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)
I'm moving to Germany to become a nudist. A very proud nudist. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Maybe they confused length with width. (TPHYLL@aol.com) Thank you SO much for that visual...
I'm volunteering my services as a "Measurement Technician". Do I need to speak German? (email@example.com) Yeah, better bone up on it.
...leaving us to wonder, "How does Germany find that its average penis does not measure up?" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
It appears the German national average went down when I moved back to America. (ChrisAndBrandi69@aol.com) Which of you wrote that? Chris or Brandi?
Oh great, Now my wife thinks I am German. (email@example.com) Ouch!
Well, don't use my husband as a "thumbnail" 'cause that's all you'll get! (BRE727@aol.com)
And the Winner.... (geez, historical reference, word play AND a Tom Lehrer quote; nice going, "Big Guy"):
Top German scientists were quickly put to work on the problem at the old Penilemunde testes site. ("I make them go up, don't care vhen they come down, that's vaht I be doink", says Wernher von Braun.) (HerzogVon@aol.com)