(updated 27 Jul 05)

Hosted by Bucko

The Buoys from Brazil
(Header floated in by HerzogVon@aol.com)

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (MSNBC) - Armed bandits robbed a vehicle carrying more than 400 silicone breast implants. "It's the hottest period of the year for implant sales," said Margaret Figueiredo of Silimed, the implants' manufacturer. Each costs nearly $400. Brazil's plastic surgery pioneer & trendsetter Ivo Pitanguy, whose clients include celebrities like Sophia Loren, has made Brazil a bustling international nip & tuck venue. Each implant bears an individual number, & can now only be sold for clandestine surgeries. Horrific stories abound in Brazil about the illegal operations that can cause gangrene and death.
(glacier68@comcast.net; Cadeaux@aol.com)

Rebuttal from Last Round:

Nitram Fights Back! Bucko, now that we got their attention: Yucaipa is pronounced "YOU Ki Pah". Anyone in California, even kids can pronouce it!! Spanish IS a second language here, Amigos! My God! Oh, just a side note: the average price of a house in this area is $500K. Not exactly the land of "ya'll" and "got'im." And we DO "where shoozs." No More Intelligesia Stuff Will Be Put Up For The Dart Thowers! I Ran Into A Nest Of Da Rednecks, and- AIIIEEEE!!! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

For some husbands or lovers..certainly the feel-good story of the year. (maxcel200@aol.com)

I'm probably too late to be the first entry to make the BUSTling joke, so I won't bother (astae@paonline.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) Fourth overall entry, ya did it!

Ironically, the armed bandits were actually a group of prison bitches who escaped the day before. (redcherri817@yahoo.com)

Imagine that -- the bandits were busted without being caught. (rod.renner@juno.com; cdmauger@aol.com)

OK. let's see now... The boobs who pulled off the heist....it was a tit for tat deal....The numbering system means they can't sell them, so that makes them suckers.... (skibip@aol.com) Another early-entry-multiple-joke bandit, thus more than one co-credit. (also shaefitz1@netscape.com & others; maxcel200@aol.com & others)

Fear not! Police Squad is all over this case!:

Reportedly, the arresting officer surprised the men in the vehicle by shouting, "Freeze! The jug...er, jig is up!" (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

"Beg your pardon, Miss..Detective Ryan, again..We'll have to check to see if those tits are legal!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ah, it's the Irish detectives (in Brazil....) that get all the good assignments!

Bulletin from the CIA: Implants From Brazil will be under scrutiny until we are sure no Drugs are involved. Also, the free can of Brazilian Nuts that comes with them will also be checked. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

The police are now stopping all women with large bosoms and physically examining them to check for the missing serial numbers. This procedure is known as "copping a feel." (rod.renner@juno.com)

"The local Police Force reports that the only clue left on the scene was a note stating, 'So long and thanks for the mammaries." (thedraugr@yahoo.com; NonComposMentiss@aol.com & other "Hope"fuls)

Brazilian police are concentrating their investigation on known thieves with multiple flat-chested girlfriends. (shep@peoplepc.com; richdiandkids@optonline.com & other male pigs)

Figuredo? You expect us to believe that's her real name? (skibip@aol.com; Parisluvsme@aol.com & otherskeptits) The world is plenty weird, I ain't gotta make stuff up! (OK, I DID slip "bustling" in, but that's tit!)

Oh, no! It's Back! It's: NYCM: The Musical!

The robbery was masterminded by an ant with high hopes. "Oops there goes another rubber implant." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

According to the song, I thought last month was the hottest time for breast implant sales: you know...'June is Busting Out All Over'. (maxcel200@aol.com; Parisluvsme@aol.com)

Brazilians stole some coconuts, Enough to fill a truck, Women waitin' for their coconuts, I guess they're outta luck. It's a crime to steal the coconuts, They're meant for nip and tuck. Not a dime for the coconuts, They didn't pay a buck. Women cryin' for their coconuts, They're gonna run amok, Wait a long time for the coconuts. She called the doctor, woke him up and said, Doctor, can you make my boobies fake, I want Ta-tas, how long's it gonna take, I need Knockers, so badly that I'm shakin', said the Doctor,"I'm so sorry, they've been taken." Now let me get this straight: I pay you cash for the coconuts, I want my boobies swollen. Call you up for the coconuts, You tell me they were stolen. Now I can't find my coconuts, It's knotting my intestines. If I want to get new coconuts, I'll have to go clandestine. 400 Bucks for each coconut, And I'd look like a million. The next time I need coconuts, I sure won't go Brazilian. If you ever find my coconuts, Here's my doctors number- call him. I'm so desperate for my coconuts, I'd let Dr. Seuss install'em. Don't buy Brazilian coconuts, You'd better heed my warning, If you buy Brazilian coconuts, They'll be missing in the mo-o-orning (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) With apologies to Harry Nilsson, who CAN live without you.

They are making a movie about the heist called "Titty Titty Bang Bang". (mashallaha@aol.com)

Say what you will, but my knees have never looked better.... (marieracewalks@hotmail.com)

As a man who loves jumblies, gangrene and death are a chance I'm willing to let someone else take. (scalpel@aol.com) Ladies: I give you "Mr. Consideration"

They're going on clearance to sell and it's the only sale bin I've ever seen a man having fun digging through. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Aw C'mon you idiots, I said hijack the shipment of RUBIES!! (astae@paonline.com)

"Ignore the oozing pus ma'am. It'll pass." (tpanner@inorbit.com) Ewww!

Brazil used to be known for coffee. Now it's breast implants. No matter- either will get me up in the morning. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

There are some certain words that Cad doesn't really like.... in the last three rounds, we've hit two of them! DAMN, you guys are great!

Ironically, the bandits easily robbed the vehicle because it had a flat. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Who the hell cares if it kills ya. Just think how cool it'll be when they can't even close the casket lid because...well, you know. (thereinlies@aol.com; DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

We've come a long way. Sophia Loren's first implants were made from saw dust, sand and burlap. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; cmndrnineveh@aol.com, other "Ponti"ficators) Reminds me: How's that old penile implant of yours doing?

So what if you buy your breast implants from the Brazilian black market? Anything's better than getting them from eBay. (AuntShecky711@aol.com) Did you get our "Get Well" card?

Gangrene, gives your new breasts a festive color...or was that "festering?" (topsquark@yahoo.com; watch4whales@yahoo.com)

Hmmm...big boobs or gangrene and possibly death...big boobs or gangrene...give me boobies! (Cantw82paint@Aol.com; MrglsJon@aol.com)

Jennifer Lopez bought nearly half of them to augment her ass. Stupid bitch, it can already be seen from orbit. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com) Your entries are so hostile.... get some therapy or something!

"Alright! Nobody move! Put the breasts in the bag, but just the small, unmarked ones." (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

$400?! Shit, I'm gonna get some zip-loc bags and jello and make me a fortune down there! (strontium901@juno.com)

No way! If it gets too hot, those things will explode! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; HerzogVon@aol.com)

Honorable Mention - The only Brazilian to have passed "Sensitivity Training":

When the vehicle driver was interviewed about the bandits grabbing his breasts, he said, "I've never felt so violated in my life!" (stan@squidworks.com)

Runner-Up - Overrates himself in bed. Isn't that just like a man?:

I had sex with a woman who had some of these "breasts of death." Crap, I thought she'd died out of sheer orgasmic ecstasy. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

The Winner - Evidence that we need to educate our prison population more before letting them fill out:

Unfortunately for the criminals, they ruined the entire shipment by trying to file off the serial numbers. (nstn@statefarm.com)