(updated 27 Mar 05)

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Crotching Tiger, Hard-on Draggin'
("Head"er suggested by noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

HONG KONG (Yangtze Evening Post) -- A Chinese man has lifted a 75-kilogram barbell for 10 seconds - with his penis. Zhan, 55, attributed the skill to a branch of kung fu. He said his father taught him the skill to help him get fit after a serious illness when he was 18.
(Topic suggested by some annoying fruitcake.... can't remember the name)

(Background music: Theme from "Shaft")

In lieu of the dozens of "well hung" jokes you will receive, can I just say; "Ouch"? (MrglsJon@aol.com)

Are you sure this happened in Hong Kong? Sounds more like Wang Hai, or Pee King...or maybe, Bangcock, Thailand. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) No, no.... the Feng Shui would be all wrong there.

See, Trebek, I told you the Penis Mightier! Ah Hahahaha! - Sean Connery (atwright73@YAHOO!!!.com)

Unimpressed, his wife doesn't think 10 seconds is long enough. (stan@squidworks.com; xtremesmartass@aol.com, & others on the short end of the stick) I swear, I think they ALL must be that way!

Flashback: "You will soon discover, Weed whacker, that in Kung Fu, great branches from little saplings grow." ("Now, get that thing out of my face, you pervert!") (HerzogVon@aol.com; YellowRoseOTX@aol.com, & others raising Caine)

His wife brags that she has a Gland Canyon. (tphyll@aol.com) Oh, that is just reprehensibly obscene! I like it!

In weightlifting terms, this is known as the "Scream and Jerk" (Airfarcewon@aol.com; giraffic_art@yahoo.com, & others yanking my chain)

Does he have a son? And could I have his number? (saxonraerae7@aol.com; xflcheerleaders@hotmail.com, who'll be meeting in a cage match soon)

Yes, and the little known branch of kung fu is called "thumbing through the pages of the latest issue of Barely Legal magazine." (tpanner@inorbit.com) Took a pole, er- POLL, and nobody was surprised that you knew that.

Wow . . . what does this guy think about when he wants to, you know, prolong the moment? (seeker@vcoms.net) Prince Charles & Camilla "doing it."

Ripped abs are one thing, but a ripped penis could be a problem (Right around the 11th second...). (noncomposmentiss@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com; no word from Lorena Bobbitt)

Nah. It's a penile zenplant. (thereinlies@aol.com) Ommmmm.... my!

The father then proceeded to try arranging several marriages for his son, but for some strange reason each was annulled after it could not be consummated. Seems the boy didn't know when *not* to practice. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com; paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Is that a 75-kilogram barbell in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

Probably not the 'Hang Ten' the religious right has in mind. (maxcel200@aol.com) At this point, max had a commandmenting lead. But...

When I was 18 my Dad just sent me to a whorehouse. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

This being only further proof of what you can do when assisted by 10 Chinese naked female "spotters" (RWich928@aol.com; ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)

A 75 kilogram barbell? I think they refer to that condition as "elephantiasis of the scrotum". (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com; rockitower@aol.com) Hardon to say.... they haven't found them yet after they blew.

You should see him with the throwing stars *shudder* (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

That's a skill most of us learn only after years of sleeping with the local bar's fat chick. (gambleandbluff@aol.com; giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

I weigh 60kg. I wonder how long he can lift me for. (internut36@hotmail.com) It's not how LONG the lift is, it's how he uses it!

Obviously, the lack of strippers in China has hit the poorest the hardest. (scalpel@aol.com)

Zhan conveniently forgot to tell anyone about the railroad spike implant he had put in last year. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

While he sees his skill as a gift, there is a downside. Every time he ejaculates inside a woman, he shoots her across the room. There have been 2 cases of serious injury and 1 fatality. (sheafitz1@netscape.com; old.curmudgeon@homforum.com) They were left hurt, but prostate with pleasure.

If you tie a barbell to your johnson, it won't cure leukemia, but it will take your mind off it for a while. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

It's taken this guy 37 YEARS to learn how to lift a measely 75 kilo weight? I was using the same member to lift a 150 pound deadweight for 20 years! (paracletus3@earthlink.net) 20 years? So, who's the dumbbell, then? ;)

Oh great, now my wife is serving me chop suey every night. (skibip@aol.com)

Honorable Mention for being pathetically desperate (or the other way around):

Hey, *cough* I'm sick, *cough cough* So can you NOW teach me how to do that penis trick? (noveed@yahoo.com)

Runner-up - for bringing us the "distaff" side of the story:

It should be noted that reproductive strength runs in the family, as his sister enjoys cracking open walnuts with her vagina. (jbray4@adelphia.net)

The Winner - My ears pricked up when I heard this one:

I'm sorry...I don't buy this story. When I was 18, the only muscle that got a lot of repetitive use was my right hand. Though, come to think of it...it did make my penis get sick enough to throw up. (guitartexn@aol.com)