(updated 29 Nov 03)

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Why Doggy-style, of Course

India -- An Indian girl was married recently to a stray dog in a ceremony attended by more than 100 guests in a Bengal village to ward off a bad omen.

The marriage was annulled shortly afterwards when it was determined that the bridegroom was not a virgin, a key requirement in warding off bad omens. (jenalt2001@yahoo.com)

Another example of religious dogma lifting its ugly leg and peeing on the hydrant of reason. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Amen, Bro.

The ceremony was followed by a festive reception....unfortunately, only 4 out of the 100 got a leg (Aliciav29@aol.com)

It was the first time in human history that the words " I pronounce you husband and wife, you may now sniff the brides ass" were ever uttered. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com) (Probably not a first for Alabama)

And now the dogs of Bengal can rest easy. (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Here it comes... wait for it..... Alright now, altogether folks... "Needless to say, her mother-in-law was a real bitch." (xodox3000@hotmail.com; giraffic_art@yahoo.com; countless others)

Film of the honeymoon will be released on grainy black and white 8mm film. (Truckerex@wmconnect.com) Seedy. Twisted. Funny.

The village's last crazy marriage stunt failed to remove the omen when Michael and Lisa Marie got divorced too soon. (razcactus@netzero.com)

This week's "Out of Left Field Award" goes to:

Something Borrowed, Something Blue, Avoid omens, my husband pee'd on my shoe!! (randy.renner@juno.com)

My ex-wife claims the same thing happened to her. (polaris75@aol.com)

In a related story, after she got pregnant and gave birth, Mr. and Mrs. Dog were later arrested for littering. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

The cat's marriage to the local chief had to be offset somehow. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

The dog has already filed for an annulment; apparently she keeps him on too short a leash. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com, BikeMike101@hotmail.com)

Raintree Deertracks and her husband Barks At Mailman will be honeymooning in Cancun. (RodentsRred@hotmail.com) "Uh, Rod, you do know...?" "RRR, you realize that India... uh..." "Never mind, great entry!"

The only breed of dog to fit this situation would be a Jerry Springer Spaniel. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

And the winner:

And the bad omen was that there were no men in the village to marry, just dogs. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

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And now, we unleash the punsters (the real reason that HMO will always ride the shortest bus on the internet)...

FYI: No points for these, just the pride in knowing that you made thousands of readers cringe. ;-)

"The bride received a Korean Cookbook for a present..... 'Wokking the dog'...." (AhOLHOL@aol.com)

They signed a pre-puptual agreement (rpearson@umr.edu)

And do you, Bowser, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Answer: "Vow Wow!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I hope it was well-groomed. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Married a dog? Is that legita-mutt? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

She may be guilty of polygamy, because she married the dog and his four paws. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I'll bet she was sari later on. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)