(updated 2 Mar 03)

Hosted by Jankath

KEEPIN' UP WITH THE JONES
(Title stolen from Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

PLYMOUTH -- After Catherine Zeta Jones claimed that $1.5 million is not a great deal of money to her, a group of children has started a letter-writing campaign asking the actress to help them raise money for Nicaraguan children.

The Children have received millions in donations since Jones spread the word. With the money donated, they have built a new school with a large computer lab and a disease treatment and prevention center. They are now redirecting all proceeds to an effort aimed at dismantling the humor me online website. They claim it is a disease unlike any seen before. One child claimed, "They need help, this is no laughing matter." (MushroomClouds@aol.com)

....Whew! Obviously, you have misunderstood our site in two ways. First, generally everyone knows we only cater to suck-ups. Second, we do NOT pay contestants by the word. Anyway, I don't think there even ARE any literary agents in Alabama.

Now for the ones who enter just for the joy and satisfaction of expressing their creativity (in other words, they don't get a damned thing out of it....bwahahahaha):

"Why you silly little dears! When you grow up, you can have your OWN children!" (coillteach_bard@earthlink.net)

Catherine responded by saying that 1.5 million letters is not a great deal of letters to her. (dinosaur1972@aol.com)

Ms. Jones soon clarified her statement, saying that it was only an insignificant amount as long as it was hers. (Omegamagezero@aol.com)

Ms. Jones regretfully declined, explaining that black market organs from Central American children are the only things keeping Michael Douglas alive. (Omegamagezero@aol.com)

Her answer: "Nicaraguan is a health hazard and children should not smoke." (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

It's not a great deal of money to me either. It's a huge honkin' great big PILE of money to me. (kirstennetsrik@yahoo.com)

"Well don't be silly," she replied, "where are they going to spend U.S. money in Nicaragua?" (CrazedChicken@partycity.com)

She replied, "Why should I give them a big chunk of money when it says on TV they can all live on 17 cents a day?" (Energizer@max.com)

Yes, $1.5 million is approximately the amount of money her husband has to spend on Viagra monthly. (LuluLou@Arden.com)

She replied that she'd help as soon as "those damn kids start going to my movies." (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

"Let them grow coke!" she snorted. (coillteach_bard@earthlink.net)

But first, she'll have to mud-wrestle Sally Struthers. (edberger@aol.com)

Just so you know, 1.5 million entries is not a great deal of entries...to Cad. But my 23 (22 if you don't count that first one) prove it's quality, not quantity that counts, as exemplified by mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com, today's winner:

Meanwhile, Oprah bought Catherine Zeta Jones and gave her to the Nicaraguan children to use as a pinata. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)