(updated 2 Mar 05)

Hosted by Bucko

The New York Toy Fair: Sponsored by Swiss Cheese
(Header misappropriated from threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

CALGARY, Alberta: "The Grow-OP Game," a Monopoly-like board game in which players run a marijuana-growing operation, was expelled from the New York Toy Fair because "It violates the group's values." A former grower known only as "Rabbit" thought up the game while in jail. Meanwhile, farmers in tiny Lichtenstein (UPS) can no longer feed hemp or cannabis to their cows. Small amounts of THC, pot's active ingredient, were found in the milk. Not surprisingly, it was the Swiss who complained.
(Topic suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com; cringe4242@earthlink.net)

I don't want to make an entry. Just glad to read a topic that doesn't involve George W. in the title. You may carry on now. (guitartexn@aol.com) And Cad "heckled" me for it!

"...Observers questioned the wisdom of Switzerland, well-known home of chocolate confectionery manufacture, complaining about the THC tainted milk, considering its affect on the human appetite...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"...In a related story, Woody Harrelson has just purchased a 1,000 acre farm in the Duchy of Lichtenstein...more on this story as it comes in.." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

I'll swap you my Columbia Avenue for your Marvelous Gardens... (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I don't blame them for coming up with the game... I mean what else are they gonna do... watch hockey? (Mistahtom@aol.com) Yeah. Hockey fans got completely pucked over.

People drinking the milk found themselves at 7-11 buying burritos and twinkies. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Ah! Last time I drank milk I had a craving for brownies...that explains it. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) You devoured little Girl Scouts?? Now, THAT'S munchies!

No one has ever finished a game of "Grow-Op" because whenever someone says "it's your turn to roll" they all get stoned. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

You know, I tried smoking pot once.... but it took an acetylene torch to light the aluminum.

I guess that means No more Chocolate Milk Bong Hits... Stupid Swiss. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

It turned out the game was only a ruse for "Rabbit" to print a "Get out of jail free" card which he presented to unwitting prison guards who promptly released him. He was arrested several weeks later in Switzerland for smoking cheese from a cuckoo clock bong. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com) I see the brown acid is still bad....

The Swiss are concerned that the drugged-up cows could become Weapons of Udder Destruction (comedian2000@hotmail.com)

Unfortunately, the "Get out of Jail Free" card only works if you are a Politician's son. (richdiandkids@optonline.net) True that. Jeb Bush's daughter is still locked up in rehab.

Wow, people who use marijuana can never...um, what was I typing? Hmmm...I think...I wonder if I have any Cheetos left? (MrglsJon@aol.com)

Now the media have a new one...Glad Cow Disease. (humorbear@aol.com)

Others, however, thought the milk was the best export from Lichtenstein since Hanni Wenzl. (skibip@aol.com) (Oh, Google it, people!)

Well, if you ask me, some wine with that cheese would make a hell of a fine fondue! (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Reuters reports that this has all been masterminded by General Mills Inc, in an attempt to make stoners eat even MORE Cap'n Crunch. (Gambleandbluff@aol.com; stan@squidworks.com) Still not as good as Quisp.

I was gonna buy Park Place, but I got high- Use Marvin Gardens for my growin' space, but I got high- Now I'm livin' on Baltic Avenue and I know why- Because I got high- because I got high- because I got high. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

So my "Kill the President" game will be thrown out too? (jonboyd@hotmail.com)

Wow . . . I mean . . . when was the last time you saw "Calgary", "New York", "Lichtenstein", "Swiss" and "cannabis" in one paragraph? (seeker@vcoms.net) Sunday school....

And a G.I. Joe doll armed with every automatic weapon under the sun and sporting a tattoo that says "Death from Above" is more along the lines of the "values" they were looking for. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Special Honorable Mention for his tribute to a guy weirder than ANYONE on HMO:

Let's see, the little guy with the top hat and monocle leaps from the board while fleeing a stampede of angry Canuck gamers and falls into a rabbit hole which takes the two of them - (don't forget Rabbit) - to tiny Lichenstein where Rabbit runs shouting, "What's Updike, eh?" until they reach the Swiss border at which point, running low on both THC and STP - (the racer's edge) - the pair is overtaken by angry Swiss Chards, er Guards!, after which Mr. Monopoly is arrested for trying to smuggle in a non-chocolate bunny. Is that pretty much how the late Hunter Thompson would have written it? (Ganja Journalism) (HerzogVon@aol.com) Gonna miss that crazy bastard.

The Co-Winners - One Entry for each "J" in this "lid:"

Other games in the works - "Abusive Alcoholic Parenting," based on "Sorry, Teen Daughters First Abortion" (similar to "Operation-Coat Hanger," sold separately) and "Chutes and Ladders" - the original game but using a syringe and crack pipe. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com; tpanner@inorbit.com)

When was the last time anybody heard anything about Switzerland that interested you in going there? I mean BESIDES the chance to see ancient Nazis working the ATM? (seeker@vcoms.net)