(updated 30 Apr 04)

Hosted by El Guapo

French Flies
(Title courtesy of tphyll@aol.com)

Marseille, France -- A FRENCH driver who raced through a motorway road block, triggering a high-speed police car chase that ended in a minor crash, has blamed aliens from Mars for his reckless driving. The 42-year-old told police he was being "chased by Martians".

In a related story, the French have suggested that Princess Diana may have died during a similar situation. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

A police spokesman said, "I assure you, there are no Martians on the police force. Now, if you will please look at the light on the end of this pen... *poooff*" (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

In a later interview the Frenchman admitted that it wasn't the Martians, themselves that he was running from...it was their "pro-American, non-smoking philosophy that had him terrified! (sp723920@aol.com)

It was later found out that he was actually being chased by martinis. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com, WJKbase@aol.com)

It was pretty clear that the motorist was lying - the French don't retreat, they surrender. (atwright73@yahoo.com, Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

He was too embarrassed to admit he had been watching porn in the car. (tainsam@aol.com) How do you say 'Chocolate Foam' in French?

In fact, he was going so fast because he was being chased by ASTON Martians. (skibip@aol.com)

Leave it to the French to build a road block that doesn't. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

And the "Out-of-Leftfield Award" goes to:

Jar-Jar Binks had no comment. (william.fishburne@verizon.net) PLEASE! Just let him die, already!

The Frenchman later claimed that he had actually been drinking with Dean Martian. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

When the Martians were questioned they replied, "Hey, we were just trying to ask him where he bought his Probe?" (cmack411@hotmail.com)

The defendant will plead innocent according to his lawyer, Master Zorg X-1000. (razcactus@netzero.com) I've learned that apparently, ALL Martians' names start with 'Z's' and 'X's".

Lost in translation, what he meant to say was he was being chased by NASCAR's Mark Martin. (jandsfargo@hotmail.com)

The "Martians" apparently had flashing blue lights and emitted a strange "WEEEE-OOOO, WEEEE-OOOO" sound. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Apparently, the Martians believed he had stolen their Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. (murdoctor@aol.com)

At this time the aliens have denied all allegations. (rklettke@tennis.com)

The only thing strange about this story is that a French car reached high speeds. (ChrisAndBrandi69@aol.com)

This news item is the only item returned from a Google news search on "French" and "Space Program". (deweyever@attbi.com)

... And le winner is:

Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the man did not, in fact, say that he was being "chased by Martians;" rather, that he was being "chased by Marcias." It turns out that he had taken a hit of acid while watching some old Brady Bunch reruns. (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com)

And now, we pay point-free homage to those quasi-witty artisans, The Punsters:

He said he was so frightened, he "oui-ed" in his pants. (ferrisk@benning.army.mil)

When questioned by police why he was speeding, the man stated that the idea of breaking the law was completely alien to him and he did not planet that way. (razcactus@netzero.com)

He thinks he's safe in jail but soon he will be attacked by invaders of Uranus (I just HAD to) (Endocrom@aol.com)

DeGaulle of that driver! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Now what would the alien from Marseille..about that? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

We ALL seille: "you crazy!"