(updated 30 Aug 05)

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Koreanary Thrombosis
(Header defibbed by NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Seoul, South Korea (JoongAng Ilbo) -- A South Korean man, who played computer games for 50 hours almost non-stop, died minutes after finishing his mammoth session. He'd been playing online battle simulation games at a cybercafe, only leaving the spot over the next 3 days to go to the toilet & take brief naps. Lee had recently quit his job to spend more time playing games. Lee's mother asked his friends to find him; when they did, Lee said he would finish the game & go home. Instead, he died a few minutes later, apparently of heart failure.
(Topic suggested by rampage1984@msn.com)

CLEAR!! (Voomp!) Sorry, I still have a pulse. Better luck next round! ;)

According to bystanders, his last words were "game over!" (amfpsych@aol.com; dorr@jam.rr.com and a whole lot of tilted others)

Mr. Lee was attempting to break the all-time record of 72 hours, but he didn't have the heart. (sorry) (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) The hell you're sorry!

Results of the game were dead Lee. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

So? There are thousands of brain-dead people sitting in front of televisions. They don't make the news. Why are they picking on geeks and techies?! (pjb1671@yahoo.com) One: Your TV was on so loud, you didn’t answer your phone. Two: Because it’s so easy!

Three ways Lee was doomed even though he wasn't PLAYING "Doom":

Proving once again that if you keep playing those games day after day, you'll pretty much have no life. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com; rampage1984@msn.com, couple of others who are bitter, but brought it on themselves)

Little did Mr. Lee know, when he clicked the "check out" button on his computer, GOD was online too. (nstn@statefarm.com) Say, what's God's screen name?

When asked why the other players failed to alert medical personnel for well over 4 hours, they stated they were certain he had unlimited lives. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com; rampage1984@msn.com, many others lacking a full set of points)

Lee apparently got dis-oriented... (paracletus3@earthlink.net) It was a complete occident, may he west in peace!

The Touching Funereal Disease Section:

The funeral service was held next door at the Cyburialcafe. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Once he is cremated, his ashes will be scattered over the ocean, where he will be a more productive member of society. (manpretty@gmail.com) That's the first logical idea in this whole round.

Epitaph: Here lies Leaky Lee / Had to break to take a pee / A misdirected fart / burst his little heart / Now he's playing games for free. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

In a moving moment, rapper "50 Cent" rededicated his gold record "Candy Shop" to be "Cyber Shop". He didn't bother to change any of the lyrics, 'cause, well, "fellatio is just plain cool." (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

The man's grave was adorned with a tombstone with an epitaph from the Old West: "He died with his (re)boot on.." (AuntShecky711@aol.com; tpanner@inorbit.com)

The CSI: NYCM Section:

It wasn't the 3 days game play that killed him. His heart failed after receiving the bill from the cybercafe`. (internut36@hotmail.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) In Australian cybercafes, they don't kill computer characters; they use tourists.

Local coroner Sum Cum Wang admits being perplexed, adding he has only seen similiar outcomes after 50 hours on the Asian porn sites, calling the phenomenom the "he came he went malady". (edprocoat@msn.com)

The manufacturers of PlayStation report that this is the first documented case of Sonycide in history. (cdmauger@aol.com)

Apparently he had deciphered the code for live sex scenes in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (IR2Odie@aol.com) ....and the other gamers in the cafe killed him to get them.

You'd die, too, if you'd just twisted your joystick off. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com; NonComposMentiss@aol.com, other self-abusers)

The computer, though, thankfully survived. (timamod@aol.com) More than I can say for mine (whimper). DAMN YOU, THOR!!

Wow. He actually did it. I guess I owe Lee 250 gold coins on World of Warcraft. (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

He should have got on my web site. "Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Are 50 Or Older." Number One--Don't try to outgeek the geeks. Long stretches on the computer are injurious to your health and could bring on a heart attack. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) Look, reading 39 years’ worth of your "Over-50 No-Nos" would take even longer than 3 days!

The next kid in line to use the game stood up and yelled, "Finally!". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Honorable Mention - THAT explains that weird diamond over my head:

Lee was actually just an avatar of some alien playing SimEarth. You know, LIKE WE ALL ARE!!! (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

Runner-up - She was a necrophiliac who loved him for his mind:

The heart attack was brought on when a girl actually asked him to go on a date. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

The Winner - Proving once again that Microsoft IS out to get us:

The autopsy revealed it was not heart failure that got him, but the dreaded Blue Screen of Death. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)