'Look! Someone threw out a perfectly good toddler!'
(Topic adopted from Cantw82paint@aol.com)
ELKHART, Ind. (Sun-Sentinel) -- Three-year-old James Manges' mother Danielle said "No!" to his request to try a crane vending machine, so he decided to get the prize himself. She turned away for a moment... there he was in with the plush toys, "playing with them and hanging from the bar like a monkey". Other Wal-Mart customers watched & took pictures as the Fire Department freed him. Mom said "He definitely didn't get a toy after that!" and James left empty-handed.
(Topic suggested by Kamasushi@gmail.com)
When asked why she called the fire dept., she replied "I was so mad, I wasn't about to waste a good quarter to fish him out myself." (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org & tons of other "quarter-wits")
One might wonder if little James is related to a certain politician. (WJKbase@aol.com)
Cushy way to fame and fortune, wasn't it...? (email@example.com) 3 years old, already overdrawn at the "15 Minutes of Fame" bank.
I always knew those things were rigged, the kid climbs inside and still nothing, come on. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)
The vending machine company has now teamed up with Wal-Mart and adoption agencies across the country to market a new means for couples to pick their child. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"There is a key to the vending machine" said a spokesman for Wal-Mart,"but sadly our employees are rather stupid." (email@example.com)
OK, one last cheap shot before the verdict:
In a related story, police reported finding a crane vending machine at the Neverland Ranch with nothing BUT young boys in it. (firstname.lastname@example.org; ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)
So, rather than spending 10 bucks to get my girlfriend a care bear doll, I'll just use a baby. (email@example.com)
Now, if she could get her kid inside that stupid game that pushes the quarters over the edge, her rent would be paid on time. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Morally Correct "Screw Politically Correct!" Section:
So now at Wal-Mart you can either take your chances at getting a child for 25 cents a pop with the crane game, or for $19.99 a box for the Wal-Mart brand condoms. (email@example.com) Do ya really WANT condoms made by severely pissed off political prisoners in China? Or, in Nike country:
There was a moment of confusion for Walmart workers when they at first thought he was an escaped Vietnamese sweat shop worker, but his lack of an ID number branded to the back of his neck proved him innocent. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Being mistaken for a Wal-mart employee on payday, James was sent home home with nothing. (email@example.com) I'm seeing a definite pattern here....
Guess he learned not to toy with other people's property after this one! My God, kids these days, nothing but a bunch of animals. This one oughta be stuffed in a cage and left there 'til he's a teenager... on second thought, until he's thirty. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The "Your Tax Dollars at Work" Section:
Ironically, the Fire Department had to use their "3-clawed jaws of life" to get him out...and were unsuccessful the first 57 times. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com; Cantw82paint@Aol.com & others with no respect for Dalmatians)
Another boy got stuck in the candy machine and the fire department had to use the jawbreakers of life to free him! (email@example.com)
I feel so much better about my safety now that I know that no one in the Fire Department had the coordination to pick him up with the claw. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
Yeah I was trying to win the little boy in the machine until the fire department pushed me out of the way. I want my $2 back!! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Crybaby.
Wait till you see happens when James requests to get paper out of the shredding machine. (email@example.com) Film at 11.
The Ella Fitzgerald Memorial "Scat" Section:
Danielle had to pay for ALL the toys, as James still hadn't finished potty training. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
Well, he didn't really look like a monkey in there until he started flinging his feces at the onlookers. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)
Co-Honorable Mentions - In your hearts, you know they're right:
Am I the only one to have the initial response of, "Bitch!"? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
On the way home, Ms. Manges was seen kicking puppies into the sewer and setting fire to an orphanarium. (email@example.com) Quod Erat Demonstrandum.
Co-Runners-Up - For stooping low, and then even lower:
Fox News Channel managed to edit the whole thing down to, "There he was...playing with...(his)...monkey." They then went on to blame the incident on the permissive liberal society. (HerzogVon@aol.com)
What's HER beef? At least he wasn't SPANKIN' THE MONKEY! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Winner - Redeeming us with a faith-based initiative:
...but now he's become a devout worshipper of what he calls "The Claaaaaw." (email@example.com)