(updated 3 Aug 05)

Hosted by Bucko

No Bballe Baby
(Header pimped in by old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

KAMPALA, Uganda (Reuters) -- Bbaale County Member of Parliament, Sulaiman Madada, has pledged to reward girls for their chastity by paying their university fees if they are virgins when they leave school. Any girl in Kayunga district who wanted to take part in the scheme aimed at promoting girls' education would be given a gynecological examination by health workers to check they were virgins. The MP did not extend his offer to young men.
(Topic suggested by Kamasushi@g-spot-mail.com)

The number of young men applying for health-worker positions has risen exponentially! (paracletus3@earthlink.net; redcherri817@yahoo.com, a wazoollion others putting their hand up)

Experts predict enrollment levels of really ugly girls to rise by over 70% in the coming years. (manpretty@gmail.com; cdmauger@aol.com, other guys needing to be beaten, & one engineer-hating woman)

Young men who remain virgins will have to satisfy themselves with the admiration and respect of their peers. (pooks49@yahoo.com) ROFLMAOPMSL!! No, come on, seriously now....

"The MP did not extend his offer to young men." This led to an outraged response from opposition leader, Hararuu Belerforte; a recent Jamaican immigrant and Men's Rights advocate: "Come Mr. Sulaiman, don't sully our bananas!" (Daylight come, and me gotta go bed.) (HerzogVon@aol.com; redcherri817@yahoo.com, & others going off half-cocked)

Who's your Madada? (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; rabdreadr@aol.com, LOTS of others apparently unsure of their parentage)

In a related story, a controversial bill was approved by Parliament yesterday which affects future health workers. The requirement for passing the grueling Health Worker's Exam was waived for applicants with 3 or more 'a's in their name. (customerwaller@cox.net; kayladykay@aol.com, other party "heads")

Yo! Craig Ferguson! Cad wanted me to tell you that she's hot!

The only time in recorded history that an ENTRANCE EXAM was done at the END of the school year! (maxcel200@aol.com)

See what you can do about her air conditioning.

The plan ultimately failed when Chief Popsuh Cherri of the Yungurli tribe offered to pay for their education if they slept with him. (muck55@aol.com)

A related study showed both a tremendous increase in the number of Kayungan female students wearing Chastity Belts and the number of male students taking college Locksmith Courses. (maxcel200@aol.com; HerzogVon@aol.com)

OK, the "Politically Incorrect Sextion" (Hard to pick who to offend, so I'm going for a bunch):

By the same token, some people felt that the young men were being rewarded for homosexuality, not that there's anything wrong with that... (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com and other inferior hecklators)

No exam necessary for those applying to Sarah Lawrence College. (AuntShecky711@aol.com; tpanner@inorbit.com) Hey, at least the gay men AND the lesbians got it. Wait, I didn't mean it like that.... oh, yes I did! ;)

Bill Clinton was seen today in Uganda applying for a medical license. (nstn@statefarm.com)

Tennessee Baptists have been increasing the "flock" for years with no sex education. (jbray4@adelphia.net) Amen! Know thy brother & sister, in the Biblical way! In Tennessee, it's all kept in the family way.

Former US Presidential candidate Al Gore suggested a "lock box."(or was that a "box lock"?) (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) Yeah, the Democrats are getting whacked this round.... Sadly, Al doesn't know the difference.

It looks like they're not pro-creation. (tphyll@aol.com)

And you too can sponsor a Ugandan Virgin for only $29.99 per month! (nstn@statefarm.com) DAMN YOU! Now I'll have nightmares featuring Sally Struthers!

Soooo....will I get hate mail? Bet not. Everyone's entitled to be in the crosspubehairs sometimes!

Parents of the young women were skeptical however once it was realized that there hadn't been much rain in awhile and that the examination offices were suspiciously close to an active volcano. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

The PM was smart enough to know that the boys would try to "pull a fast one". (L1061S@go.com; Cantw82paint@Aol.com, other jerks)

Can you imagine the orgy after the check is in hand? (nstn@statefarm.com) IMAGINE it? I'm gonna BE there, Smedley!

The good news for the young men is that there is no plan to check throats or asses. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Members of the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity have recently announced their plans to hold an election rally for whoever Madada's opponent is during the next election. (manpretty@gmail.com; scalpel@aol.com & other keg-standers)

Under Idi Amin's dictatorship, he'd have taken a personal interest in these girls' vaginas, and probed over and over.

Only one girl was able to claim the prize money...which is being wired to her at the leper colony where she resides. (maxcel200@aol.com)

The PM's a wuss...he could have EASILY extended his offer to the male population, with out worrying about having any takers!. All he has to do is put 2 extra lines to start college matriculation process: one marked "ENTERED", and the other "DID NOT ENTER"! What guy, in full view of his peers, is going to choose the "Did Not Enter" option? (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

I have already opened a shop in Kampala called Kampalot. The purpose is a Virgin Restoration practice (patent pending) to fix the problem. They all sign up to make a visit after they graduate to see if I can unfix it. That I am working, working, and working on to be ready and waiting. Incidentally, the boys are being jerked off by the University. I am working on that too. Secret stuff, can't let you guys get hold of it just yet. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com; rod.renner@juno.com) News Flash, boys: Believe it or not, they already do it: Restoring Virginity

Co-Honorable Mentions - Who the hell erected-- I mean, ELECTED these people?:

Upon prompting from Dubya, Condi arrived supporting the program stating in her speech that she has been a virgin several times. (RWich928@aol.com)

The bill, if passed by Parliament and signed into law, will become known simply as the "Hakuna Madada". (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

Runner-up - A bit TOO ready for his "upper" level education:

The top students all graduated Magna Cum Noway... (and you should have seen the valdicktorian)... (murdoctor@aol.com)

The Winner - Sad, because his sign felled all down:

Great, instead of trying to make myself "sponge-worthy", now I have to be "scholarship-worthy". (astae@paonline.com)