(updated 4 Feb 05)

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PRICE OF BOOGERY HITS ALL-TIME HIGH; Film at 11

LONDON (Wireless Flash) -- An artist who collected mucus from his nose for two years, and then displayed the resulting ball of snot at four separate art exhibitions, is ready to part with his prized possession -- for roughly $20,000. So far, the artist has only received offers in the 100 - 500 Pounds British range. He says his snot is worth much more than that.
(Topic suggested by ZulusBall@aol.com)

(Who'd have thought THIS one would inhale more entries than I've had so far? Tough to separate the clearest ones out from the glob, too.)

Okay, okay, let's get the most over-used response out of the way: He thinks it's art, but it's snot. (mikepena@socal.rr.com; richdiandkids@optonlinene.net; and the entry box congested with others)

UGH!! I couldn't even READ this new topic without gagging back my vomit! Where the hell do you get these topics from? (not2greedy69@aol.com) Hey, don't blame ME! Most of them are submitted by you players. ;)

I don't want to see it. I've already been through 6th grade (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Trust a Brit to act like he's upper 'crust'. It' snot true, mate. Quarry on. (paracletus3@aol.com)

So, who does he think he is? Pablo PicNoso, or Vincent Van Blow, or somebody? (Airfarcewon@aol.com; maxcel200@aol.com) And this was the PEAK of his career. After this, critics called him a "post-nasal drip."

WOW! I guess that makes my son a minor miner! (strollo5@aol.com)

I used to get beaten for doing that. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com) Too bad you're not strollo's kid.

You can pick your nose, you can pick your art, but you can't pick your price. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

This makes me regret the masterpieces I may have eaten as a child. (noncompsmentiss@aol.com)

Maybe if he did more than just make a ball... like a lion, or a water buffalo, no wait, that's balloon animals, sorry. (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

My god, my mother-in-law made the same offer but was turned down. Too many mother-in-laws are in the snot business. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Art curators said the project would be more valuable if the museum's visitors had quit barfing on the exhibition when they saw it. (noveed@yahoo.com)

Booger ball, booger ball, booger ball. This is fun, say it with me. Booger ball, booger ball... (e-marlon@sio.midco.com)

For $20,000 I'd better get fries with that! (e-marlon@sio.midco.com) Do NOT go out to eat with this person.

$20,000.....that's nothing to sneeze at. He certainly nose his market. He tried to sell it to one woman but she just told him not to bugger. It is just that he has yet to find someone to ex- septum. You thought this was funny, but it s not. (skibip@aol.com) (Apologies to the many with one similar element; too many to "pick" a co-winner fairly)

Explaining the reason the snot ball is worth so much, the artist said, "that's 100% snot, all nose hair has been removed for the purity of the art." (SPTirish@aol.com; bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com) Funny.... he USED to be bald.

Of course, all the flies covering the ball of snot only add to the grace and subtlety of this magnificent work. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Snot so far fetched really when you take into consideration how much certified clean urine is sold online in a year. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

This, based on the theory that snot holds the cure for at least 5 incurable diseases. (srch4sat@verizon.net)

And to think of the millions of dollars I aimlessly flicked out the window of my car. (AnthrStupdSN@aol.com) I'm suing you about my windshield. Bastard!

Hopefully this will elevate mucus to its rightful place in the art world, alongside art using urine and dung. (dart270@geocities.com; razcactus@netzero.com; others similar but later)

I am willing to trade semen I've been collecting for certainly more than 2 years. I think it is worth more than his snot. We can then say we exchanged bodily fluids. (SSCompose@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) What a jerk-of.... No, I just can't do it!

Update: Three minutes after digging out a five pound booger, the artist’s head collapsed. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

Co-Honorable Mentions - These two have a real taste for this art:

The man is hoping to revive interest in the forgotten "Phlegmish Masters," the most notable of which was Gerb Hockenlooger, who painted the seascape "Clams and Kelp" during his "green period." (noncompsmentiss@aol.com)

They told him he's got the disgusting bodily fluids part down, but to count as great art these days, you also need something to offend religious sensibilities. (dart270@geocities.com)

Runner-up - I never saw this one coming:

As a result of hearing this news, a disgusted Cockney woman screamed "See..I told ya this would 'appen..Nostril Damnus was bloody right!" (RWich928@aol.com)

And the Winner - Doesn't anyone realize the diseases that could be passed?:

In an effort to increase interest in this unique piece, the artist has invited infamous pop icon Courtney Love to lick the ball of snot. (tpanner@inorbit.com) (From Courtney, that is. Yecch!)