(updated 5 Feb 04)

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Sorry Kids, Mommy spent your tuition

North Carolina- Inventor of the "Orgasmatron" is confident women will fork out $17,000 to have a remote controlled instant orgasm device implanted.

Henceforth, gynecologists will simply be known as battery changers. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Well, there goes the stereotype that only men fight over the remote. (skibip@aol.com)

The scourge of automation... continuing to put men out of work. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Uh, children, has anyone seen my remote... OOOOOOoooggghhh! Alright, Jimmy, give that back! (rochford@netaus.net.au)

In a related story...Woman dies from over-excitement due to a malfunctioning garage door opener. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

And the "Out-of-Leftfield Award" will be implanted in firekitty544 for this passionate, if not confusing rant...

WHAT ARE THEY NUTS THEY ARE IMPLANTING A MARATHON OF ORGANS?FIRST CHEER OFFS AND THEN DORKY MASCOTS BUT THIS IS THE CORNYEST ONE I HAVE YET SEEN I TELL THEY DO ANYTHING TO GET PUBLICITY. (firekitty544@aol.com)

It looks like guys will have to handle themselves...themselves. (tphyll@aol.com)

Most of the money is for the 16,742-button remote control with "Mood Guess" technology built in. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

Maybe they should market it as a cure for headaches. (polaris75@aol.com)

I give it a week before someone figures out a way to send spam on them. (rochford@netaus.net.au)

Finally! Something that could end all that penis enlargement spam. (polaris75@aol.com) You sure that was spam?

The inventor is currently working on his next product, the Divorcatron. (polaris75@aol.com)

When you press the remote control, your husband does all the household chores. (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)

In an unrelated story; Madonna has exploded. (tpep19@aol.com)

And the winner is...

A similar device is on the market called a Visa Platinum card. (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)


Point-free Honorable Mention

Here are the two least offensive puns for this round...

The equipment itself isn't that expensive, but the installation is very labia-intensive. (dinosaur1972@aol.com)

The similar procedure for men is not covered by most insurance, as it is erective surgery. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)