(updated 5 Sep 04)

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Vhatt Vimmun Vhant

BERLIN (Reuters) -- A leading German dictionary publisher plans to launch a guide it says will help men translate the subtext of female conversation.
(Topic suggested by chharget@aol.com)

Does it come with a Centerfold ? (SPTirish@aol.com)

A series of reference manuals will also be published to accompany the guide explaining what each translation REALLY means depending on what mood a woman is in, corresponding it with what time of the day, week, month and/or year it is while providing cross references to the woman's age. (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Hope that comes in braille, because they sure can't hear you. (lacee7700@aol.com)

It only works if you're trying to pick up German women, which pretty much limits its use to Oktoberfest tents and art house cinemas. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

The first chapter translates 427 idioms into variations of, "If you want sex, cooperate." (chharget@aol.com)

How do you say, "Good Luck" in German? (chharget@aol.com) Vielen Gluck! Oh wait... was that rhetorical?

Women are already reported to be countering this initiative by changing their minds even more times per day. (chharget@aol.com)

Alternatively, men could try LISTENING and asking when they don't understand, but there I go with my radical, incendiary rhetoric again. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net) ...*snort* wha? sorry, wasn't paying attention.

What will the book be called? "Who The F&*% Cares". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

The publisher announced the new title was "Understanding Women", after protests caused by the original title, "What's that Crazy Chick Want Now?!" (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

German frauleins were heard to respond to this news, "Ach du liber, mein herr, try this shitsky on me and I vill hitten you mit the book. Vat I say is vat I mean!" (pjb1671@netscape.net) Isn't Shitzky Russian? It sounds like Trotsky's brown nosing brother or something...

As if "you lazy, woman chasing, philandering, pukeface, scoundral" needs a subtext! (maxcel200@aol.com) Well i'd say it has a subtext.

Mrxsandmanx, however, has simplified it before it is even released. It reads as follows: A woman speaks - She is saying she doesn't want to have sex with you. Got it? (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com) Like this charming example, however.

Each entry has two possible definitions printed under it; one is exactly the opposite of the other. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net) For example, if you heard the pukeface scoundral comment from a Dominatrix, it may have sexual significance, or you could just have a face like puke and be a scoundral.

Cueing in on what men actually hear, the dictionary has 843,000 entries for the word 'blah.' (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

*Runner Up*

Well, girls, that's the end of our using German in our conversational subtext. (kayladykay@aol.com)

*WINNER*

"Die Betriebsanleitung in die Muttersprache mit die Frauen." = ["Guidebook to the Native Language of Women"] 1. Nicht jetzt = "Not now." 2. Nicht diese Nacht = "Not tonight." 3. Nicht immer = "Not ever." (robtone247@yahoo.com)


*A WARNING TO ALL ENTRANTS*

You are not Fark.com, you cannot successfully pull off "France surrenders" comments, that means you, deweyever :)

Furthermore, I will never allow another freaking Viagra joke to make it out of my mailbox and onto the contest page. Yes, there is a prescription drug that makes penises hard, get over it.  The only articles exempt are ones about hard penises, for example, the Jellyfish one.

Thankyou :)