(updated 7 Jan 04)

Hosted by El Guapo

Newsyoucanmuseapalooza

A) CALGARY (CP) -- Men at the University of Calgary are being offered a free two-week vacation in Australia in exchange for their sperm.

Again showing that men make decisions and plans based on one specific organ. (sballkuhns@yahoo.com)

Nothing new..banks have always promoted gifts like this, for depositors. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Seems fair dinkum enough, mate; a chance to sample "The Land Down Under" in exchange for a sample from the gland down under. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Someone's been spending too much time at Outback.

In a related story, recent University of Calgary student Pee-Wee Herman was admitted to the hospital suffering from dehydration with three hundred airline tickets in his pockets. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Dubbed the "Come Now, Go Later Plan." (rod.renner@juno.com)

Monk Fritower, Dean of the University of Montreal, has pointed out that this blatant effort to artificially increase enrollment merits further study. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Or, in other words, the women at the U of C think all the men there are jerk-offs who should get lost. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

The Winner:

T'was always thus, and always thus will be...

Women at the University of Calgary are being offered dinner and all the Moosehead Beer they can drink for access to their eggs. (chharget@aol.com)



B) JAPAN -- Growing numbers of Japanese women are said to be modeling their pubic hair on David Beckham haircuts.

Beckham, on the other hand, reportedly models his pubic hair after Pink's hair cut. (chharget@aol.com)

Old friends of Mr. Beckham were not surprised, knowing that David was always just this side of being a pussy anyway. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Let's pray he never gets an afro. (lacee7700@aol.com)

While the men in their lives aren't thrilled, a recent survey by the Tokyo Times shows they are relieved to finally see the end of the last pubic hairstyle trend,, "Don King". (Chick65@aol.com, zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

This is seen as a vast improvement over the last fad, which was to model their pubic hairstyle on ZZ Top's beards. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com, Truckerex@wmconnect.com) STOP!...pause...visualize...snicker...resume.

- and our Out of Left-field Award goes to:

The Japanese have credited this latest fad to the long standing European fashion of underarm topiary sculpture (jenalt2001@yahoo.com)

Men all across Japan have been praying for Beckham's early baldness. (gambleandbluff@aol.com)

And The Winner:

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm":

In an interesting, ironic twist, Beckham has admitted to styling his hair after Asian women's pubic hair for years. Talk about a small world! (gambleandbluff@aol.com, amazingpfil@yahoo.com)



C) AUSTRALIA (CNN) -- An Australian launched the latest accessory for pampered pooches Tuesday -- bottled water in flavors like chicken and corn, liver and bacon, or beef. (News story submitted by MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

The fourth flavor, Toilet Water, is expected to have trouble clearing the FDA in the US. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

That's nothing. Just last I served my Yorkshire terrier "Filet de Worker Postale, en la au jous" on fine pristine Wedgwood china. (Stan790@aol.com) Stan, you are Klassy with a capital 'K'!

Other flavors include university of Calgary students. How the Australian obtained this flavor is under investigation at this time. (eagr4bevr@aol.com, changetion@yahoo.com) It's funny because it's a tie-in.

What's the water brand name - Terrier? (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

The next crop of flavors is said to be: "ass flavor" and "I Can't Believe Its Not Crotch". (razcactus@netzero.com)

Campbell's said they had been marketing a similar product for years called "Broth". (rodentsRred@hotmail.com, zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

And the Winner:

Way to step outside of the box!

Reuters reports that Anna Nicole Smith is suing the Australian man for copyright infringement. She has been sweating liver and bacon flavored water for years. (Gambleandbluff@aol.com)

Honorable mention for new flavor:

Cat-poop flavor. (tireddebb@aol.com) AKA "Kitty Roca"