(updated 7 Sep 05)

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Between Rock and a Bod Place
(Header jammed in, hard, by Airfarcewon@aol.com)

NEW YORK — From "Spin's" 25 Most Incredible Rock-Star Body Parts: Madonna's navel tops the list. No. 2 is Keith Richards' liver, which they say is durable enough to coat spaceships. REM's Michael Stipe's oft-shaved skull is third; "A hairline not too high like Moby's or too low like Sinead O'Connor's". Other body parts include Presley's pelvis, Gene Simmons' tongue & Springsteen's butt.
(Topic drooled in by AuntShecky711@aol.com)

This Round's Ritual Abuse:

If I gave you one of my beloved "Rats' Asses", would you give us a better topic? (paracletus3@earthlink.net) I dunno.... I'd have to see the rat first.

Gang, Pamela Anderson & Paris Hilton are NOT rock stars.... GONG!

Michael Jackson headed the Pop Star body parts list...nosing, nosing, nosing and nosing out the likes of Britney Spears' pregnant belly and Jessica Simpson's tiny little cute brainstem. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; imwednesayaddams@yahoo.com and WADS of other people boogering Jackson)

I'm sure Elvis is thrilled to have Gene Simmons' tongue between his pelvis and Springsteen's butt. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) Oh, like it's the first time!

Let's not forget Janet Jackson's right breast, Courtney Love's middle finger, Tommy Lee's 3rd leg, and Britney Spears' asshole (AKA Kevin Federline). (murdoctor@aol.com)

Mysteriously left off the list was Elton John's colon, which has been entered more times than than the Lincoln Tunnel. (Eleman8859@aol.com) And you know this because...?

Strangely, Meatloaf's navel didn't break the top 25. (stan@squidworks.com)

You mean Tommy Lee's schlong was just left hanging? (Airfarcewon@aol.com; Guitartexn@aol.com & other prickly persons) Actually, it was number 9, just inching out Courtney Love's ankles (Her ANKLES??)

Oddly, Britney Spears' left breast is 17th while her right breast came in at number 24. (Check out The Mystery of Britney's Breasts) (richdiandkids@optonline.net; sheafitz1@netscape.com)

(OK, I would not ordinarily edit entries together like this, but bashing SO MANY was too much fun. Besides, maybe this way Cad won't notice the RA cascade.... thbbbff!) ;)

And now, Ego Central:

Henry Rollins' ego...only no one has yet to figure out how to construct a vessel large enough to contain it. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Diva-Star Body parts (like a broken record...or now a stuck CD?): Celine Dion's ego, Barbra Streisand's ego, Diana Ross' ego and lastly, Cher's ego...which was designed by Bob Mackie's ego. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) ...Sting's frontal lobe, which houses his ego! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) Diana Ross' ego: If it applied for statehood, it would be our 51st and 6th largest. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com) Did David Lee Roth's ego make the list? (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

A few other parts protruding into the list: Shane McGowan's teeth; Meg White's cheeks; Lemmy Kilmister's warts; Patti Smith's armpits; Sid Vicious' belly.

Did you notice that there were no brains listed? (rampage1984@msn.com; skibip@aol.com & other complete mentals)

"Donovan's ears, which, it was recently revealed, were the model for Mr. Spock's on 'Star Trek'...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

No. 26 - Nine Inch Nails'...nails. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Them things is Reznor-sharp, too!

Assembling all of the parts into a virtual person, artists revealed a chain-smoking, drug-addicted pre-schooler that needed a nap. (jbray4@adelphia.net; globalview1@aol.com)

Damn! Couldn't you have told us whose vagina was tops? (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com; jnmcda0@yahoo.com) Sadly, I'm not in a position to know.

Was Michael Jackson's crotch considered? I know he's not into rock music anymore -- he's more interested in child rearing. (tphyll@aol.com)

Bruce Springsteen? I'm sorry, but Paul McCartney still has the cutest ass! (wedrixe@netscape.net)

"Bono's eyes, which must have incredible irises and retinas to be able to see through those sunglasses both indoors AND at night, 24/7!" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com; tpanner@inorbit.com, other "spec"ulators) Ever wonder what people throw at him that he needs the protection FOR?

From Spin's Least Incredible Rock-Star Body Parts: Bob Dylan's "vocal" chords; kd lang's penis; Mama Cass Eliot's second and third chins; Geddy Lee's nose; Ozzy Osbourne's one remaining brain cell; that thing on Aaron Neville's face; Meatloaf's armpits; Elvis Presley's digestive tract; Courtney Love's vaginal warts and sores; the recovered chunks of Buddy Holly; Michael Jackson's original skin; Randy Bachman's back hair; Janis Joplin's leg hair and Richie Havens' tooth, to name but a few. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; nstn@statefarm.com & other "part"ners) It's EBay time!

How they overlooked the lips on loan to Stephen Tyler from Mick Jagger, I will never know. (atwright73@yahoo.com) Actually, they aren't even Mick's, they're Bianc-- oh, I just can't do it!

Madonna's navel is just about the only body part left of her that is still like a virgin. (razcactus@netzero.com; Cantw82paint@aol.com & other cherry pickers)

Co-Honorable Mentions - Well, she had it coming (Or not, but I ain't wasting these "opportunities"!):

It's got to be Cad's ideas of PRIZES. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Springsteen's butt? Isn't that what they call New Jersey? (muck55@aol.com)

Runner-Up - A tasteless tribute to parts cruelly cut off the list (But what about Rick Allen's arm?):

Ya gotta wonder what missed the list. Meatloaf's hair? The drummer from Rush's hand? (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

And the Winner - A serious omission, accordion to him:

Not making the list was Lawrence Welk's mojo. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)