(updated 8 Nov 04)

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Offal For Sale

ROME (Reuters) -- A Sicilian entrepreneur has offered to donate parts of his body for organ transplants in an effort to keep his business alive. "I am ready to donate a kidney, a retina or part of my liver," Giuseppe Schirru was quoted as saying in Italian newspapers, Thursday.

He put all the body parts under his pillow in hopes of waking up to a fist full of cash, only to find 50cents and some dried up vomit. (SPTirish@aol.com) Apparently the tooth fairy doesn't have a very strong stomach for offal.

This is Guiseppe's 2nd attempt to raise capital by donating body parts his first loan cost him 2 thumbs and a kneecap. (richdiandkids@optonline.net) That's Sicily for ya.

Who'll start the bidding at an elbow? (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) But how are you going to bash the little hammer at the end of the auction?

Suurrre, they're parts of HIS body. (deweyever@attbi.com)

I respect a man who throws himself into his work. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

And if a one-eyed, urine filled, hemopheliac can't do my job, who can? (william.fishburne@verizon.net) I think a no eyed armless narcoleptic could update faster than I do.

Wow! I didn't know businesses needed body parts to stay alive. (jajuta@comcast.net) Uh huh, didn't you hear about the enron liver failure?

He has hired a production company to make a commercial for him and is in negotiations with Tony Bennett for the rights to use the song, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco." (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

I don't think that's what an Italian usually means when he's talking about donating his organ. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

In more news , a new meat market has opened in Sicily.Besides the standard cuts of meat, a new "Unusual Meat Delicassies" department will be offered also. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Okay, I'll take a liver and also a pepperoni with extra cheese. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

WINNER:

Guiseppe was surprised to get absolutely no replies to his plea until he read the newspaper headline. "ORGAN GRINDER SEEKING HUMAN ORGANS". (richdiandkids@optonline.net)