(updated 9 Apr 04)

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(Title courtesy of lsamarri@aol.com)

MIAMI, Florida (AP) -- A 5-year-old boy took a bag of marijuana to school and was sprinkling it over a friend's lasagna like oregano when a monitor intervened, police said.
(Topic suggested by jandsfargo@hotmail.com)

Police couldn't tell if the cafeteria workers were giggling at the bizarreness of the incident, or because bag had originally held more. (chharget@aol.com)

However, the monitor failed to notice that while she was dealing with the pot, 13 other 5- and 6-year olds lit up crack pipes. (scalpel@aol.com)

And as punishment the boy is now in charge of all baking and snacks for all parent teacher conferences. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

In a related story, a nearby beating took place when a drug dealer was found to be selling Italian herbs. (chharget@aol.com)

Out-of-Left-Field Award? Kinda obvious, today...

Ken Burns' version: ( Accompanied by appropriately twangy - and tangy - music. ) "Merri and Mack were shaking a sack of flaky green herbs one day. Along came the Monitor propelled by a janitor and frightened the cheese box a whey." Mathilde "Ma" Goose, Principal. (HerzogVon@aol.com) HerzogVon's gotta be HMO's most glaucoma-free entrant.

The sharp-eyed monitor noticed the sprinkling incident as the child was making change for a million dollar bill. (bonniekurtca@sbcglobal.net)

The five-year-old was reprimanded for ruining good marijuana with cafeteria lasagna. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Apparently the boy had gotten tired of the Ritalin burritos. (mboy2abq@yahoo.com) Haven't we all?

When questioned the 5 year-old said he thought it was origami. (TZMAC@aol.com)

All parents involved expressed their thanks to the authorities for preventing the consumption of school cafeteria lasagna. (deweyever@attbi.com)

And the winner:

Of course, when you're being disciplined by a giant talking lizard, you're probably on your third lasagna! (rochford@netaus.net.au)

Theeey're Baaaaack!

Here is a point-free section for the pun-ishers. They came out of the woodwork this round and they all seem to have partaken of a little Italian seasonings, if-ya-know-what-I-mean:

C'mon! It was just a tokin' gesture of friendliness! (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

He should have waited until they served chicken pot pie. (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com)

He was taken into joint custody. (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com)

He was hoping lunch would be corned beef and hash. (dinosaur1972@aol.com)

Officials were glad to find the culprit before that night's PTA potluck. (chharget@aol.com, changetion@yahoo.com)

Potty training. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

It was later reported that the monitor's nose was out of "joint" over the student's "wasted" "pot"-ential. (nellen2003@yahoo.com)

Let's see..the kid's five years old..That figures...He took it to school, because it was First Grade Pot.. (airfarcewon@aol.com)

Hasheesh, what's all the fuss about? (zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

Well I bet his parents feel like dopes. (I'm sorry.) (xodox3000@hotmail.com)