I know, this whole story stinks.
DAR ES SALAAM (Reuters) -- A man who thought his boss's bicycle had been stolen while in his care killed himself by diving into a cesspit -- only for a friend to return the bike a little later.
While many of the poor man's relatives searched for an answer, the friend was overheard to say "my bad" . (DeepThought07@aol.com)
It helps to understand this story to know that the bicycle, stuffed with 4 kilos of crack cocaine, and the quotations are missing from the word "boss". (firstname.lastname@example.org)
This week's "Out-of-Left-Field Award" goes to:
ARRRRRRGH!....some dorty bastidge has stolen mine Master's pedicycle! Surely I shall be made to eat sh!t for this! ( or, mayhaps, just svim in it? ) The thing for me to do is to jump into the city's HWD! ( human waste depository ) S P L O S H!! Oh Gawd, dis iss deeficult to svim in! Oh, pleeze sumbuddy, helba me!I....I....I am sin.....king! ( GLUB GLUB! ) (NEAIE@aol.com) ...Lesson here? Never mix the Ritalin with your Prozac.
At his funeral his brother killed himself by diving into a cesspit when the tombstone was mysteriously misplaced. (email@example.com)
Thus fulfilling one of Nostradamus' lesser known prophecies, "On the lion's continent / from a laborer's care / two wheeled traveling machine is lent / in the morning thus disappeared / before fates reveal friend's borrowing it /doomed fellow lies in a pool of sh*t". How true, how true. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yer mouth talks funny.
Pee Wee's Big Adventure + Office Space = a Roberto Benigni movie gone terrible wrong? (Stargl@aol.com)
"Now I'm really worried about having screwed his boss's wife. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)"
What the hell are they eating in Dar Es Salaam that a cesspit would kill a man? (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Thank you, Moosehoppah. Let us all pontificate upon this truth.
Johnny "Machine Gun" Gambino was happy to have his bike returned safely. (email@example.com)
And the Winner Du Jour is the only person with enough cojones to point out what we're all thinking...
If America supposedly leads the world, how come Tanzania has cesspits and we don't (whatever the hell they are)? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
("Land of Milk and Honey" my ass.)