Bush and "The Twins"
(Full frontal header by firstname.lastname@example.org)
Porn star Mary Carey, (who ran for California governator against "Ahnold") and star of "Lesbian Big Boob Bangeroo 2" & "Thumpin' Melons" has been invited to the National Republican Congressional Committee's "Salute to Freedom" dinner with Pres. Bush next month as the guest of Mark Kulkis, her boss at Kick Ass Pictures. She'll also attend a lunch with Karl Rove next week.
(Topic suggestively suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com)
FINALLY.... after the plague, technical difficulties, and a huge rack of entries.... let the depravity begin:
So if we were counting only Mary and Pres. Bush, there would be 3 Big Boobs at the dinner. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org & other "bipartisan" "supporters")
If Kick Ass Pictures can't get you elected, well, nothing will. (email@example.com)
She was invited for a "meeting of the minds", but Dubya will coment it was a meeting of the bush. (Electronicwaffle@yahoo.com)
Carey is trying to coax the President into her new movie, "Bush on Bush". (firstname.lastname@example.org) I'd make a comment about half of the "bush" gag, but that would imply that I looked at her website, so....
And everyone looks at me odd when I tell them Republicans are just a bunch of pussies. (I_EAT_BOOGERS@hotmail.com) That was below the belt.
You know, The National Enquirer wish they could make stuff like this up, but they are afraid nobody would believe it. (email@example.com)
Oh. Will she be sitting with Jerry Falwell? I hear he's a big fan. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
And Bush gets to call the religious right his own. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yeah, but have you heard? They can't come:
Fundamentalists loudly objected--when they learned they hadn't been invited. (email@example.com)
He was involved with a "Deep Throat" in the Nixon era, so I guess Karl wants to try one under Bush. (firstname.lastname@example.org; BRE727@aol.com)
Yep. She's got a couple of family values they'd really like to sink their teeth into. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)
There's a possibilty of Mary running for VP on the ticket with Jeb. Who wouldn't vote for Bush and Boobs? (email@example.com) The 'Queer Eye' guys. But then, they DO have superior taste!
President Bush confided in Karl Rove that he can't wait for the release of "Lesbian Big Boob Bangeroo 3", and insisted on a picture with the well-endowed porn star. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com)
The First Lady was not invited... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Don't worry! Laura's always on top!:
It should be noted that Laura Bush is currently working extra hard on upper body exercises at Dick Cheney's new aerobic class. (WJKbase@aol.com)
Mrs. Bush says she trusts her husband implicitly, especially after checking the latest presidential "pole". (email@example.com)
She was put up front at the head of the table...in the pole position. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Now, THAT'S sport! As opposed to NASCAR ;)
The "Equal Time (because they're ALL idiots) Clause" Section:
Just think, if this had happened with Clinton in the White House, she'd also get to spend a night in the Lincoln Bedroom. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org & other voyeurs)
Bill Clinton is still trying to get his own invitation to the event, claiming he was "pretending" to be a Democrat. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org and other "double agents")
To celebrate, Bush was said to be handing out Clinton Memorial Cigars to every cabinet member she agrees to meet with her in private. (email@example.com) "So, Bill! What kind of humidor makes these stogies so studly?"
It was rumoured that Ms. Carey bought a brand new blue dress just for the occasion... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Democrats are hoping Carey will also happen to save her dress from the evening. (email@example.com) It's a vast left-wing conspiracy!
Commented John Kerry: "Losing the election to the Republicans was something I could handle, but now I REALLY feel cheated." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Being slightly hard of hearing, Rove could hardly contain his delight over finally getting an opportunity to eat, er MEET Mariah Carey. [ Oh brother! This is what 2 1/2 days of sobiety has reduced me to. ]( Again! ) (HerzogVon@aol.com)
The "I Had to Get My Good Old Dick In" Section:
Dick Cheney said "I have not seen "Lesbian Big Boob Bangeroo 2" but my daughter says it's pretty good." (email@example.com)
It is understood that a certain relative of Vice President Dick Cheney was instrumental in the RSVP for the actress.... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Hey, that her getting hit on by Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter at the buffet table? (email@example.com) Yep. right over by the condoments. Pointless, really.
Ha! I will have the last laugh, bimbo! When I'M 50, MY boobs won't be hanging past my ankles. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
My Mother was wrong. Be a good girl and you will marry well, have kids etc. Hell, I want to be a Porn Star and meet whatever President is in the White House and be on CNN. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)
I guess "Two in the hand is good for one with the Bush" isn't that far off...(firstname.lastname@example.org) Oh, no! One hand is all he has a shot for.
A spokeman for the White House said, "Well, since we're not allowed to have male prostuites in the White House anymore, we decided to invite a porn star." (email@example.com)
Bush and Rove are very interested in learning about her "positions." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Coincidently, she will also be promoting her next two films, "Tits for Twits," and "Boobs Are in the House." (email@example.com) (Oh, I just HAVE to) Aaaaaand the Senate!
Said Mary, "Eat, eat, eat! Doesn't anyone just f*ck anymore?" (SpinyNorma@aol.com)
Shades of "Kuklis, Fanny and Ogle". [ F*ck sobriety! ] (HerzogVon@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org) Two of them. Must be the same brand....
President Bush said he would have revoked the invite had he "...been informed earlier of who she was and the kind of work she did." Well, you would have known if you hadn't taken the X-rated films off of Air force One, jackass! (email@example.com)
I wonder how long she'll stay seated... (firstname.lastname@example.org) I wonder how long she'll kneel:
Republicans are already speaking out against research on any "stem" cells they happen to leave on Ms. Carey's chin. (email@example.com)
So Karl Rove IS a regular guy after all. (firstname.lastname@example.org) You're tracking his bowel movements?!
Carey said, "I would rather have a truck driven up my ass than lunch with that scumbag Rove, but politics is a dirty business and you have to do what you have to do." (How was that for nasty? I know you can't pick it...) (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) You'd think not, but....
Rumor has it that the President will be appointing her to the position of Liaison for Congressional Affairs. (email@example.com)
She should be able to acclimate to the morals issues of being a big-time government employee instantly. (firstname.lastname@example.org) The innuendo! The irony!
Bush's News Advisor said to him. "For Christ Sake, don't kiss her. It's better to bow as you scratch your ass! That will prevent a hand shake. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)
Hey, can they both deduct it if it ends up being a "working" lunch? (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com) Paris, Paris.... rich people don't PAY taxes, remember?
That French girl back in college didn't call it "lunch with Karl Rove," but it felt awesome anyway! (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Mom said it's an all-whore dinner party, and she doesn't know which the bigger one is. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Hey, Mom! Send your ideas in YOURSELF & get some quality ass. Asses. RAT'S Asses (Dammit!)
The porn lobby has pressured the bush administration with candid photos of the President getting a little too friendly with the chickens out on the ranch. (email@example.com)
Just because your last name is DeLay doesn't means she going to "contribute" to your campaign fund, Tommy Boy! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Twin Diss-Honorable Mentions - Now THAT'S obscene!
Military members serving in Iraq were reluctantly discluded from the list of attendees. (email@example.com)
This will receive precisely zero air time on Fox News, because they'll be expending all of their breath talking about the one guy in Baghdad who's actually happy. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Runner-Up: She can "go both ways" in more ways than one:
Lesbian Big Boobs Bangeroo.....2 !!!! Thumpin' Melons ???? No wonder she didn't get elected. Everyone obviously didn't want to lose such a talented actor to politics! (email@example.com)
The Winner - She'll slink out to the right, thrust to the left, and ride everyone in the center, HARD!:
Apparently Ms. Carey finally knows you can screw more people as a politician than in her movie vocation. (firstname.lastname@example.org)