(updated 9 Mar 05)

Hosted by Bucko

CSI - Uterus
(Title suggested by seeker@vcoms.net)

CHICAGO (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) -- An appeals court said a man can sue for emotional distress after learning a former lover had used his sperm, secretly saved after oral sex, to have a baby. But he can't claim theft, because the sperm were hers to keep. "She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift - an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,'' the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.''
(Topic suggested by Kamasushi@aol.com)

This Round's Ritual Abuse:

You are an awful person! >:( dirty dirty dirty! (smirk!) (DapnetheRed@yahoo.com) Your point being?

OK.... Fair Warning: If you're easily offended.... you WILL be! ;-)

The judge stated after his ruling: In a court of law, it's always better to get a written contract instead of just an oral one. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com; paracletus3@earthlink.net, and others)

Next time, he'll be sure to remark how her face looks all puffy like that so that she'll be certain to spit it back at him. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Ah, another of God's gifts to women.

Which brings up the classic saying, 'Never stick a gift horse in the mouth.' (handarazuur@hotmail.com; maxel200@aol.com)

Ah yes...all together now: "donor with a boner with a lawyer in the corner." (humorbear@aol.com)

If like the judge ruled, this was a transfer of title to property...shouldn't it have required the stamp of a Notary Pubic? (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Son of a bitch! I thought that was a tongue piercing!

Of course when the judge asked the attorneys to hear their oral arguments, everyone broke out laughing. (BWillisThompson@earthlink.net; JOSQUARD@aol.com, others who courted the subject)

Very resourceful - I guess you never know what you can do with your hand-me-down "genes". (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

She's now counter-suing for a "gift" of child support. (stan@squidworks.com; emarlon@sio.midco.com) Seriously? In the actual story, she's sucking $800 a month out of him.

This, ladies and gentleman, was EXACTLY what our forefathers had in mind when they so thoughtfully crafted our fledgling legal system. (razcactus@netzero.com)

You should have known when she jumped up and said "Ahh ba wight bahh". (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com, and other sardonic women)

So you can transfer a title for sperm? Does the DMV know about this? I mean you know how much they charge to do that.... (watch4whales@yahoo.com; guitartexn@aol.com) Think of attaching all those license plates....

Oh God! Oh God! I'm 'delivering'... (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

So guys, now you know WHY you need to engage in cuddling and 'french kissing' after sex! (paracletus3@earthlink.net) You first, Smedley!

Great, now when I get a woman drunk enough to give me oral, I have to make sure she's not too drunk to sign the "pre-gulp" agreement. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Now we know why they insist you must swallow. (lacee7700@aol.com) See, ladies? It's just a LEGAL thing.

If the woman who gives you oral sex is an asshole, does that make it anal sex? (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

We're through! I'm taking my CDs, the ficus, the television... and whatever you've got in your mouth! (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

Commenting sadly about the development, John Bobbitt remarked, "Ha, he got off lucky losing only that." (JOSQUARD@aol.com) He had more to say, but got cut off.

Dishonorable Mention for the most reprehensible entry I could actually post:

In drafting a dissenting opinion, a Judge on the panel stated, "The plantiff had no reasonable expectation that the defendant would would spit his "gift" into a turkey baster, and poke it in her cooter." (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

Runner-up; it'll bring you to your knees laughing:

I don't know how she saved it, but I think most women will agree that if she could hang onto it without gagging long enough to keep it alive and vital, by God, she deserves to call it hers. (patbruns@hickorytech.com)

And the winner, who knows the meaning of "Location, location, location!"

...proving that a sperm in the mouth is worth two in the bush. (amfpsych@aol.com)