(updated 9 Nov 03)

Well, I thought I'd have to play News You Can Muse picker for weeks on end, but an old, old, old friend of mine, after slight coercion, succumbed...and will now spearhead the helm of NYCM as our new host. Some of you might remember him as El Guapo...but even if you don't, he's back and we've got him.

Just Dropping My Provider, Sir

NEW YORK -- Thousands of commuters were left stranded Halloween evening after a man got his hand stuck down a train toilet for 90 minutes while trying to retrieve his mobile phone.

To sum up our most popular response...

Insert your own "Can you hear me now?" joke. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Four puns that maybe should have been canned...

Maybe he was suffering from dialarrhea? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

He was in New York..maybe he was trying to call Flushing! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

That probably DRAINed all his monthly minutes.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"Bidet, mate!" (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Isn't that how they catch small-brained monkeys in the wild? (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Talk about crappy reception. (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)

After his hand was freed, he was relieved. (Mistahtom@aol.com) Uh...I would suggest this one be followed by a "rim-shot" sound effect, but under the circumstances...

The train didn't REALLY have to stop... it's just that the driver couldn't stop laughing. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

I trust that the mobile phone was encrusted in diamonds. (jrgracey1@aol.com)

"What's the matter honey, you could have easily answered that one hands down"...

"Oh, no!! Time's up -- our million dollar winner didn't get back to us in the 90 minute deadline!!" (jdcoops3@aol.com)