(updated 11 Aug 08)
Drek provided by Cad and Bucko
Rising Gas Prices
(We aren't going to stipulate any 'rhyming word' this time around - so you have free range.)
Let’s gather together today
With a unified voice let’s say,
"Shell, Exxon and Mobil
Are not acting noble
They’re taking what’s left of my pay!"
Drive this big SUV, cash I lose
Plus the pints of rye whiskey I use
As in debt, I go deeper,
Thinking soon, might be cheaper,
Just to fill us both up with some booze.
Gas for three bucks I won't mourn.
Big oil you won't see me scorn.
I'll just whistle a tune
And then very soon
Buy some land and start growing corn.
The high cost of gas makes me jump
Hoping soon, for decrease at the pump
All these checks that I'm cashin'
Doesn't stir up my passion,
There are other things I'd rather hump!
(Airfarcewon@aol.com) "Things"?? I stick to people.
If the Saudis have us in the trap,
Why don't they trade oil for greenbacks?
Gas prices out of range
Still they don't want to exchange
Their valued crude for what ain't worth jack.
The price of our gas is so grim
It seems to go up on a whim
But, "cut back my driving?"
You've got to be jiving!
I'd much rather whine in a LIM.
Price of filling your tank is on the climb,
Gas cost has DOUBLED this year, what a crime;
It only happened once before mate,
Back in the year 1908,
Pump a'nickel went up to pump a'dime.
(firstname.lastname@example.org) That last line was ill-bread.
I don't understand all the fuss
That leads normal people to cuss
If the high cost of gas
Is a pain in their ass
Let them shut up and take the bus.
Oy Vey, such a pain I have got
from the gas, Oy I pay such a lot
What gives me the gall
Is the cause of it all
Is a guy with a 400 foot yacht.
(email@example.com) 400 feet there, three inches elsewhere. Severe compensation issues, explains a lot, doesn't it?
My wallet has just screamed in pain.
Gas prices have risen again.
Poor George and poor Abe will
Remain quite unstable
As their value goes right down the drain.
I hired a smart hooker named Cass
Who billed me for her subway pass
She said "It's your luck
The shop has my truck
'Cause next time, you'll pay for my GAS!"
(firstname.lastname@example.org) Pay for her GAS? There's a fetish I have actually never heard of before.
In this case there is no debating
The cause of our gas price inflating:
They don't give a hoot
In their Wall Striped suit
As they sit around just speculating.
Gas prices go higher and higher
And your credit card may soon expire
A fill-up a day
Takes your money away
So you won't have it when you retire.
(email@example.com) I don't have it now - I better keep working until I perspire? Oh...screw it - I'm not a Limerick kinda person.
There once was a man from Exxon
Who likes to get his sex on
Screwing all us with gas
We take it right up the ass
Yet we'll suck till the fuel is all gone.
(firstname.lastname@example.org) Speaking of "sucking":
Today I bought a brand new Hummer,
Filling the tank is a real bummer
My funds become bereft
I have no money left
To travel anywhere this summer.
(email@example.com) See, you bought the wrong kind of "hummer". Just ask Bill! Instead of sucking down gas, you'd- well, you get the picture. If not, I have some websites that I can refer you to.
Gas prices are up and hiking
Much to everyone's disliking
So, instead of complain,
Let's all start a campaign
And commute to the office by biking.
We're bitchin' 'bout four dollar gas
And all of the tax bills that pass
But we'll take out a loan for a gotdamned iPhone
And a Starbucks espresso demitasse.
(firstname.lastname@example.org) Hey...what are you complaining about - it's ONLY 3:53 a gallon here.
My Suburban is milking me dry
Since gas got so freakin' high
But I need all that space
For case after case
Of ramen noodles, they're all I can buy.
I pulled in to fill my Toyota
to feed it's cute little motor
it cost so much cash
it took all my stash
I couldn't even buy me a soda. :(
On "The Price Is Right" everyday
Drew Carey tries to give cars away
Perhaps for incentive
Here's an idea inventive
Free parking and gas till Doomsday.
No. That baby's gonna have to get a damn job...
Having a job's not a "perk"
But gas prices drive me berserk
So, when I have my baby
Does this mean that maybe
It costs less to stay home than work?
Well...you shoulda been typing instead of just griping...
I grabbed me some paper and pen
To write on the topic herein
But, while I was punning
The meter was running
And gas prices went up again.