They called and they said, "You show up!"
I gave a loud cough and hiccup
"I'm sick." I replied
They knew that I lied
"Come in here when you sober up."
Doughnuts and coffee, oh boy!
Are the amenities the court systems employ.
For eight dollars a pop,
I get to feast on this slop!
Hanging this guy, I'm gonna enjoy!
Jury Duty is really a pain!
There's oh, so much reason to complain!
You spend hours awaiting
Your sense of civic duty deflating
Just to be told they can't use you again!
There once was a blond girl named, "Tooty"
Who was called to serve on jury duty
But, could not comprehend
No I.Q. to extend
Beyond The Blowfish And Hootie
Trust me, I'd make a bad juror
In court, I'd just cause a furor
I've got ADD
And the urge to go pee
Each ten minutes, so you'd best be surer.
Each jury duty notice in my name
Is thrown in the trash just the same
I then pour a drink
And laugh as I think,
"Let's see them prove that it came"
You have no choice but submission
When summoned for jury conscription.
It's the one time in life
That due to the strife
I wish I had a felony conviction.
Lawyer to the porn star said, "Don't worry!
A free woman, you'll be in a hurry.
On the panel, my friend
Are all your leading men.
There's no doubt this will be a hung jury!"
When the defense has come to a rest,
And the D.A. has given his best.
All that work is for naught.
I don't give it a thought.
She's not guilty! Just look at her breasts!
I got a notice in the mail
Do jury duty or go to jail
The decision was easy
But I felt a bit queasy
Till my dear wife posted my bail!
What? Cad's martini not good enough for ya?
I've heard the same nonsense for years
"You'll be judged by a jury of your peers"
Well if this is true
Your Honor, I ask you
How come they're not all holding beers?