(updated 21 Nov 05)

Hosted by Jankath


There must be some kind of reason
For all of my wheezin' and sneezin'
Every Sunday I shirk
The chores I should work
It must be football allergy season

For sniffles a cure you must pick
You want one that acts pretty quick
So if you are ill
Take that cute little pill
And hope it doesn't limpin your Dick

Allergies are hard to endure
And drug companies know this for sure
Easing your grief
With temporary relief
Makes more profit than finding a cure

Poor Joe thought he had an infection,
Looked for help from every direction,
'Til his wife said, "Oh, no,
It's November, dear Joe,
You just can't sustain an election."

Burger flipper and lowly clerk
Are both menial jobs I shirk
Too old at this stage
For minimum wage
But I'm NOT allergic to work!

Enlisted my Doc's expertise
To track down the cause of my sneeze
"From that girl you desired,"
He said, "you acquired
Sexually transmitted allergies"

I'm sneezin now that's a fact
But my doctor is kind of a quack..
He said "You're allergic to Onions..
Now hand over that big bag of Funyons"
Then the dude starts eatin my snack!!

Mr. Peanut reacts badly to wheat
P. Doughboy stands no chocolate sweet
Count Chocula, fish wrecks!
Charlie Tuna? Nuts vex!
God bless if the four ever meet.

When certain particles get up in my nose,
They make me hiss like a half clogged hose.
I took some Benadryl,
But didn't read the bottle well.
My boss woke me from a four hour doze.

At the peak of the allergy season
If you're coughin' and wheezin' and sneezin'
When the pollen's disturbin'
Just guzzle some bourbon
It's no cure but it's still mighty pleasin'

I sneeze when a breeze moves a tree
I'm allergic to coffee and tea
I'm allergic to milk
Allergic to silk,
I even think I'm allergic to me!

Naming all seven dwarfs isn't easy
Dopey, Grumpy, and Bashful, no Breezy
Doc, Sleepy, and Happy
And the last little chappy
Is the one with the allergies, Sneezy

My eyes are getting red and puffy
Because of my girfriend's stupid cat Muffy.
I could kill it and cheer,
But I'd lose out on sex for a year.
This one is going to be a toughie.

...You ain't heard the half of it yet, bud:

Allergic to my dear sweet kitty?
that's so sad, but hear this li'l bitty:
I'll vacuum and clean
And though it seems mean
She LIVES here, you don't, such a pity!

When you cannot dodge the kitty cat hair;
When he sheds and he sheds without any care;
Don't worry, don't fret;
Don't get so upset;
Just take him out back and break out the Nair.

My nose is stuffed and it's all runny
Some NyQuil I need, here's some money
Each spring is the season
You KNOW that's the reason
Quit laughing, you know it' snot funny!

Though Bogart seemed stoic as a statue
With sneeze allergies, he'd outmatch you
In the film, "Casablancie"
He sneezed with no hankie..
So, the line came out, "Here's lookin' ACHOO!

And maybe now we know why Dumb Donald can never take that hat off his face:

Suddenly Fat Albert was sneezin'
He was itchin', and coughin' and wheezin'
With his watery eyes
He figured out why
It's Hey Hey Hey fever season.