(updated 21 Nov 05)


Hosted by Jankath

Allergies

There must be some kind of reason
For all of my wheezin' and sneezin'
Every Sunday I shirk
The chores I should work
It must be football allergy season
(murdoctor@aol.com)

For sniffles a cure you must pick
You want one that acts pretty quick
So if you are ill
Take that cute little pill
And hope it doesn't limpin your Dick
(bjjtoff@tds.net)

Allergies are hard to endure
And drug companies know this for sure
Easing your grief
With temporary relief
Makes more profit than finding a cure
(NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Poor Joe thought he had an infection,
Looked for help from every direction,
'Til his wife said, "Oh, no,
It's November, dear Joe,
You just can't sustain an election."
(KAYLADYKAY@AOL.COM)

Burger flipper and lowly clerk
Are both menial jobs I shirk
Too old at this stage
For minimum wage
But I'm NOT allergic to work!
(AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Enlisted my Doc's expertise
To track down the cause of my sneeze
"From that girl you desired,"
He said, "you acquired
Sexually transmitted allergies"
(DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

I'm sneezin now that's a fact
But my doctor is kind of a quack..
He said "You're allergic to Onions..
Now hand over that big bag of Funyons"
Then the dude starts eatin my snack!!
(holtbolt@comcast.net)

Mr. Peanut reacts badly to wheat
P. Doughboy stands no chocolate sweet
Count Chocula, fish wrecks!
Charlie Tuna? Nuts vex!
God bless if the four ever meet.
(giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

When certain particles get up in my nose,
They make me hiss like a half clogged hose.
I took some Benadryl,
But didn't read the bottle well.
My boss woke me from a four hour doze.
(jygirl8@aol.com)

At the peak of the allergy season
If you're coughin' and wheezin' and sneezin'
When the pollen's disturbin'
Just guzzle some bourbon
It's no cure but it's still mighty pleasin'
(monacof@bellsouth.net)

I sneeze when a breeze moves a tree
I'm allergic to coffee and tea
I'm allergic to milk
Allergic to silk,
I even think I'm allergic to me!
(Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Naming all seven dwarfs isn't easy
Dopey, Grumpy, and Bashful, no Breezy
Doc, Sleepy, and Happy
And the last little chappy
Is the one with the allergies, Sneezy
(Airfarcewon@aol.com)

My eyes are getting red and puffy
Because of my girfriend's stupid cat Muffy.
I could kill it and cheer,
But I'd lose out on sex for a year.
This one is going to be a toughie.
(manpretty@gmail.com)

...You ain't heard the half of it yet, bud:

Allergic to my dear sweet kitty?
that's so sad, but hear this li'l bitty:
I'll vacuum and clean
And though it seems mean
She LIVES here, you don't, such a pity!
(DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

When you cannot dodge the kitty cat hair;
When he sheds and he sheds without any care;
Don't worry, don't fret;
Don't get so upset;
Just take him out back and break out the Nair.
(tpanner@hotmail.com)

My nose is stuffed and it's all runny
Some NyQuil I need, here's some money
Each spring is the season
You KNOW that's the reason
Quit laughing, you know it' snot funny!
(Priaprisautomatic@eros.com)

Though Bogart seemed stoic as a statue
With sneeze allergies, he'd outmatch you
In the film, "Casablancie"
He sneezed with no hankie..
So, the line came out, "Here's lookin' ACHOO!
(Airfarcewon@aol.com)

And maybe now we know why Dumb Donald can never take that hat off his face:

Suddenly Fat Albert was sneezin'
He was itchin', and coughin' and wheezin'
With his watery eyes
He figured out why
It's Hey Hey Hey fever season.
(cdmauger@aol.com)