(updated 22 Jan 06)

Hosted by Jankath

The Work Place

But first to reward the brown nosers:

Look left...everything's fine
Then to the right.. so divine!
My boss is nowhere in sight
Though my workload is tight
Gotta get one off on humormeonline!

So now bring me coffee, Sugar:

My hopes for a raise are quite slim,
My chance at promotion also dim,
You see, the boss just walked by,
And, out of the corner of his eye,
He caught me playing "Out On A Lim"!

In and out, up and down, to men and women I cater
Use my hands and my fingers, I'm a smooth operator
Such a sexy description
Sounds like a dream job position,
But, I just run an old elevator

Secretaries are attractive as blazes
The men working here are all in hazes
But trying to flirt
They're sure to get hurt
What with all these damned sexual harassment cases!

The guy in the next cube won't floss.
His good points? Well I'm at a loss.
It's not only his smell:
His wardrobe's from hell.
If only this jerk weren't my boss!

The workplace is a realm of pleasure
Where one toils to earn his treasure
Then Uncle Sam claims his share
And we're really all unaware
He's flipped us the bird for good measure.

I like where I work, yes indeedy
Nice people, like Carol and Dee Dee
We work well together
And it only got better
'Cause work's where I met my true sweetie! :)

It's the bosses who everyone blames
When things go wrong, but without naming names
It's really a con.
The computers are on
But everyone's just playing games.

The coffee stinks, the boss is uncute;
Copier paper gets stuck in the chute;
Can't stand the rush
Of chasing the bus --
Screw it -- I'll telecommute.

My workplace is not fit for a mouse
The boss is a terrible louse
The coffee tastes like crap
I'm taking a nap!
I can 'coz I work from my house!
(nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!)

When I retire they'll give me a watch
Or a twelve year old bottle of scotch.
But with pensions, you see,
I think it'll be
A nice friendly kick in the crotch.

"Sounds like fun" they invariably say
When I tell them I deal cards for pay
Like a spiked leather toy
It's a masochist's joy
If you get off being bitched at all day.

An office memo posts without fail
Steal from the stockroom: go to jail
They'll never find a thief
Because much to my relief
I sell it all at my Sunday garage sale!

In the woods with sugar, corn, and matches,
An old man makes whiskey by the batches.
His business grew,
Then the Government knew,
And now he has to charge taxes.

Her boss pushed for sex just too far
She gave in after work in his car
The camera from security
Kept the episode from obscurity
Now he's unemployed and she's a porno star.

Just add soap-on-a-rope:

At our office, complaints keep on mountin'
And backaches are all beyond countin'
Water cooler's so low
It's like touching your toe
This could be a new film,"Brokeback Fountain".