(updated 28 Nov 05)


Hosted by Jankath

Holiday Cooking


There was a story I once heard
Understandable; also absurd.
Turkey cooking advice
He thought would be nice;
Alas, she just flipped him the bird.
(skibip@aol.com)


Grandma has always been quirky,
But lately her mind's a bit murky.
We gather with glee
Every year, just to see
What grandma has stuffed in her turkey.
(jaytah@comcast.net)


'Tis a family tradition I blame
"Apple" is the pie that I claim
Though pleasantly vexin'
It's not one for sexin'
Despite "American Pie's" claim to fame
(guitartexn@aol.com)


I'm so drunk - is this a turkey I've got?
I can't tell if it is or it's not
It's all just so blurry
And it feels kind of furry
Good God, I've just cooked my dog, Spot
(NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

...Please address ALL complaints directly to entrant....and do NOT throw red paint on my mink......it makes him squeak....

Holiday cooking can be such a pain,
Cleaning, cooking, and cleaning again.
It's becoming quite clear,
With each passing year,
That I'd rather just order a large plain.
(sootnmoopy@aol.com)


Our wives usually exhibit such class.
They let our total lack of it pass.
But this time of year.
It`s the time they all fear.
Shoving their fist up Tom Turkey`s ass.
(jdcoops3@aol.com)


Holiday cooking for the clan
Means burning food and cutting a hand
So pinch a few pennies
And go eat at Denny's Hey!
1.99 for a side of Ham!
(vxanthrax@Aol.com)


My sister, at cooking's a rookie
She can't even make a good cookie
Her gingerbread men
Sure, they LOOK like a gem
But somehow, they taste like a Wookie.
(stigg@cs.com)


Some time after noon she starts servin',
And the scene can be quite un-nervin'.
The in-laws pile in
Let the chaos begin.
Thank goodness there's plenty of bourbon.
(shep@compascable.net)


When dinner was served after blessing,
A question, one guest was expressing,
"Where are the giblets?"
Said one of the siblets..
"They're in that white bag in the dressing.."
(Airfarcewon@aol.com)


The best way to deal with a turkey
Is to baste it with rum till you're murky
If it goes up in flames
You can just watch the games
And stuff yourself sick on beef jerky
(HerzogVon@aol.com)


There once was a man from Sandusky
Whose eating habits had made him too husky
As thanksgiving neared
His family all feared
That his feasting might make him go bust-ky!
(cmndrnineveh@aol.com)


There once was a man named Dan
Who got an overdose of Tryptophan
He pigged out on turkey
And on his way to work, he
Fell asleep at the wheel and t-boned a van
(cmndrnineveh@aol.com)


Stuffing and 20-pound gobbler
Ice cream on hot apple cobbler
With as much as I eat
All this holiday treat
I'll start the new year as a wobbler
(murdoctor@aol.com)


This December I'm thinking I may
Put my cash on a five team parlay
I'm sure to feel like a winner
While I'm broke eating dinner
At the Vegas World Christmas buffet
(DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)


I love sitting at our holiday table
With my parents, Uncle Joe, and Aunt Mable.
After excessive libation
And candid conversation
Now I know why my family's unstable.
(fbmarz@earthlink.net)


Cooking for my family is tough
So I make sure they all eat enough
With turkey, stuffing and ham
Mashed potatoes and yams,
The bird's not the only thing "stuffed".
(fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Sheesh! In my family, he who cooks NEVER cleans...or re-serves:

Cleaning up put a crick in my back
But the plates were all washed in the rack,
Finally, all done
By a quarter of one--
When spouse said, "Make me a SNACK."
(AuntShecky711@aol.com)