(updated 28 Oct 08)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

Getting Old
(We aren't going to stipulate any 'rhyming word' this time around - so you have free range.)

Bucko has been very busy and must attend to other things...so I'm going this one alone.

Yes, we know this contest was getting quite old - but...seriously...we were only keeping with the topic...and all these people get double the Rat's Asses...because we are nice.

Number seventy's not much when it's bucks
And not a good speed to drive trucks
It's a nice golfing score
One I like to strive for,
But seventy as an age really sucks!

There once was a man named Larry
Who really was quite hairy
Hair grew out his nose
And all over his toes
Getting old is mighty scary.

To a ripe old age I'd like to live
To attain it, my youth, I must give
But a thought I have had
Growing old's not that bad
When you consider the alternative.

My bones they do ache; my muscles are sore.
I am tired and weary and spent to the core.
But you know that you're old,
When your wife she turns cold,
When just after sex she ain't beggin' for more.

I happened to E-Mail an old friend
Sent me pix of her baby again
That's when she sprung the surprise
Proof for my own eyes
That her babe I recall was now Ten!

It's much overstated, this graying
For the fountain of youth, folks are praying.
It's a bunch of hooey
that your mind goes ka-blooey
I think.....um....now what was I saying?
You were saying that you wanted to give a HUGE donation to HMO.

I once used to care about aging
Like it was a battle worth waging
But it's all in your head
At least, 'til you're dead
You're only as old as you're gauging!

All sorts of support are designed
To stop the droops we'll forever malign.
There is only one test
To see which works best.
Which hangs lower, your boobs or behind?

It's clear I'll soon push up some flowers.
I take sponge baths instead of showers.
Though I'm over the hill,
Thanks to little blue pills,
My erections now last four hours.
Too bad you forgot what you do with it. ;)

She wrecked my Mercedes-Benz
My money? Oh Lord how she spends
But I'll never let her go
'Cuz when she goes to Costco
She never forgets my Depends.

And because Bucko's not around to pick the second winner...what the heck...I'm gonna...

Getting old can be quite a pain
My health’s going right down the drain
Instead of Mike Phelps
Or other young whelps
I'm feeling more like John McCain.

I'm just hanging around until being a "dirty old lady" gets the same respect...

ID cards show I'm older than Hades
But I'm vain, so I never display these,
I cling to the ideal,
You're as young as you feel,
So, I always feel the young ladies.