(updated 31 Dec 05)


Hosted by Jankath

Holiday Traditions

If you flame your plum pudding with brandy
Always keep an extinguisher handy
Just in case there's a flash.
Your house may turn to ash!
No, that wouldn't be so fine and dandy.
(sheafitz1@netscape.com)


Christmas fairies deserve sympathy.
It's a job that just wouldn't suit me.
To spend every Christmas
With a branch up one's ass
And then balanced on top of the tree??!!
(sheafitz1@netscape.com)


New Year's Eve, and no plans have been made.
My wallet is thick cus I've finally been paid.
I don't need horns and loud poppers
Or raids from the coppers.
Friend, I just want to get laid.
(tpanner@hotmail.com)


It's always a Holiday Tradition.
That Santa goes out on his mission.
But he'll be late this year.
Because he landed on his rear.
When he fell in some reindeer emission.
(dorr@jam.rr.com)


On the holy eve it seems only right
There'd be Peace just for one night.
But we can't miss this--
It just wouldn't be Christmas
Without our traditional fight.
(AuntShecky711@aol.com)


At holiday time we make merry,
And tradition'ly we all try very
Hard to drink hearty,
At the office party,
And nail that cute secretary.
(skibip@aol.com)


Every Christmas ends the same way
And to add, to my utter dismay,
The In-laws start fighting.
Their kids are bellicosing
My poor dog, with a howl, runs away.
(NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)


My uncle had a little too much 'nog
And he ended up in a rather big fog
Several hours later did commence
We found him lying by the fence
Snuggled nude with the neighbor's dog
(JOSQUARD@aol.com)


Mistletoe, I cover myself in it
So female contact, I'm sure I will win it
By law, she must kiss
And no "part" to miss
Though it hurts like hell where I must pin it.
(LouMizzou@yahoo.com)


There once was a girl I used to know
And every Christmas to her house I would go
To see her decoration
With a slight alteration
Cause she replaced the mistle with a cameltoe
(Dspur57098@aol.com)


While setting up Holiday cheers
After consuming 110 beers
The ladder soon wobbled
And now I am hobbled
Entrapped in this damned chandelier
(RWich928@aol.com)


On Christmas we eat hot tamales
It's one of our family follys
Compared to the rest
It's just no contest
Burps and farts are how we get our jollys
(guitartexn@aol.com)


This year, I'm engaged, so it's all new
Old traditions we keep, & some new
As we talked of this mission
We kinda started kissin'
And completely forgot old AND new, too!
(DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)


On Halloween I'm out the door.
I crave that candy more and more.
My mom has a fit.
She says I should quit,
Just because I'm thirty-four.
(tpanner@hotmail.com)


My opinion of New Year's Eve is split
I love a party that just won't quit
But the wine, booze and beer
Make me start the New Year
Looking and feeling like $hit
(NonComposMentiss@aol.com)


Sounds like a Rumor - with Costner playing the fruit:

At Christmas when presents are unfurled
That fruitcake, I think, should be hurled
Hard as frozen ground
It keeps goin' around
I think there's just one in the world!
(Airfarcewon@aol.com)