WARNING: Spoiler Included!
For Mature Audiences Only
(So Bucko, you might wanna skip this one)
I don't care for shopping at all.
I hate finding parking at the mall.
You'll spend all your time
Fighting in line
They should just call it the "maul"
For my kids who did beg, whimper and plea
I will gladly put Xboxes under the tree.
They can play without care
And I won't ask to share
Cuz Dad's gonna wait for PlayStation 3.
I went shopping to buy a new car
The salesman spotted me from afar
He thought, "She's a chick,
This will be done really quick!"
And I brought his balls home in a jar.
I don't buy gifts early and hoard 'em
I'd probably forget where I stored 'em
My plan is to leave
For the stores Christmas Eve
When they're marked down, and I can afford 'em
If a shopping run I'm forced to make
There's one thing I just cannot take
While the lines stretch for miles
Up and down aisles
Another cashier is going on break!!
Shopping's no walk in the clover,
I've done it from San Fran to Dover.
When you think that you're done,
That's when it gets fun.
Here's your bill, drop your pants and bend over.
I usually don't make a fuss
But this time I feel that I must
I almost dropped dead
A sign at the mall said
"Michael Jackson's New Store - Boys-R-Us."
No, that wasn't it (Though MJ could spoil ANY list - Yech!). This is it:
Every Christmas, it's the same old deal
Shopping until our legs we can't feel
Spending 'til we are peasants
On our brats' costly presents
Oh, if only Saint Nicholas was real!
News from the toy aisle shocks
"Hasbro dream marriage on rocks"
Barbie got her divorce
After telling the courts
She caught Ken in another doll's box
We're bombarded with sale ads galore
"Buy now, and you'll save even more."
But don't get sucked in it
Just think for a minute:
You save in a bank, not a store.
Each year I get this question, ain't it funny
What do you want for Xmas, tell me, Honey
And I say, "Something nice,
With a really high price,
So the after Xmas refund means more money."
Every year poor Lisa would drop
Her spending she just couldn't stop
Her motto will please ya,
It's "veni vidi Visa"
She came, she saw, she shopped
Gratuitous (though slightly compensated) Shameless Plug Winner:
Overspending on Christmas must halt
I've a plan that's not without fault
But if I'm really funny
I can save lots of money
Gifting prizes from HMO's vault.