(updated 8 Jan 06)

Hosted by Jankath


But first:

The average housewife would be meaner,
If it was not for the vacuum cleaner,
When they lean it on that spot,
The vibration gets 'em hot,
And all that vacuuming makes 'em leaner.

Go for it ladies - That was edprocoat@msn.com. I just couldn't cheat you of the chance to express your...appreciation.

Housecleaning is no joy, just sorrow
Returning the clutter I did borrow
Then scrubbing, and dusting
Polishing all that is rusting
Ok, I think I'll start tomorrow!

I got a new vacuum deluxe
It cost nearly four hundred bucks
It's bagless, no sack,
Just roll and pull back,
But, I still think that housecleaning sucks!

I flop at housewivery, indeed,
As clueless as most are agreed...
But, please tell me, you must --
When one says one must "dust",
Typically, how much dust does one need?

When springtime arrives I can be seen
Cleaning out closets and rooms in between
But help I'll get this year
In French maid costume flash my rear
And transform my sweetheart into Mr. Clean. ;)

The attic, garage and the basement
Everywhere there is just too much space spent
On baubles and trash
But hold on, I must dash
If you toss it, to get a replacement.

Cleaning your carpet's a chore
But you just couldn't stand it anymore!
The dog pee in the middle...
With that distinct odor of piddle,
Is probably the reason that you never score!

The house was musty and dusty from use.
I said, "We must clean: NOW! No excuse!"
I grabbed a mop with a broom...
She said,"I'll start patterning a 'spoon'!"
Soon I joined in the nude...just us twos!

Sigh......Yep, that's just what I'm always thinking about when my muscles cramp from lugging the Kirby around all day.

Sorry, I'm too bored and too beat
To bother with keeping the joint neat.
So to escape spouse's shelling
For an untidy dwelling
I just cover it all with a sheet.

...That's REALLY close to what my dog covers it with. Speaking of which...

Fido is sad on the whole.
On the ground he does whimper and roll,
So with cleanser and brush
I clean and I flush.
Now Fido can drink from the bowl.

I once was married to a cleaning obsessed bore
I mean you could actually eat off the floor
Leaving her was mean I confess
And now the place is a mess
But sooooo much more fun married to a drunken whore

No matter how often I assist her
My wife always feels like I dissed her
"You cleaned," she will say
"But not the right way!"
Once again, though I TRIED, off I've pissed her.

Spring has sprung and so has mold
Scrubbing up seems much too bold
So what's the point?
I'll sell this joint
And let the spores grow gracefully old.

I've been singing this tune for years. But, can the guy sue my homeowners insurance if he trips over my clutter and breaks his leg in the course of a crime?

Housekeeping's not something I do;
It's not that I'm lazy, mind you.
But if thieves run amok,
They'll say, "This house's been struck."
A clever tactic which you should try, too.