(updated 6 Aug 02)

Britney Spears: You walked off stage in the middle of your concert in Mexico, you've been flipping people the bird, cussing, and even smoking....what's going on?

God, like you never heard of PMS? (polaris75@aol.com)

Thinking of getting into Teeny Bopper Rap. (edberger@aol.com)

Look, have you TASTED the Pepsi they make in this country????? (timartist@aol.com)

I've got a bad case of "On the Road Rage". (ironical@att.net)  Sounds like a bad Willie Nelson song.

Oops! I don't give a rat's ass anymore! (jaytorch22@aol.com)

Well YOU try hemorrhaging from odd places monthly, being able to afford any food and dessert in the world that you want and not being able to eat it, and knowing that, every 5 seconds, half of the world think about you while masturbating. (flockofnancy@yahoo.com)

What would YOU do if you were a twenty something virgin? (polaris75@aol.com)

I just wanted Eminem to like me. (atwright73@yahoo.com)  Yeah, I guess we all share that dream.

I want to be known for my brains not my body. Do you think it's working? (moxham4@hotmail.com)

Sociologists have compiled several theories. The most compelling hypothesis is that I am a spoiled bitch. (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

Uh..does like maybe immaturity rattle your clapper? (Internutt9@aol.com)

It's none of your F****** business, so leave me the f*** alone and let me smoke my f****** Marlboro in f****** peace....a$$hole! (SMMFD1@AOL.COM)

I broke a damn nail. See? (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

I'm not a Madonna, not yet a Roseanne. (guitartexn@aol.com)

I'm just missing Justin's Timber...lake you wouldn't believe. (paul.north@yale.edu)

Hey, sounds like a plausible excuse to me...

Sorry, that's just the heroin talking. (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)