(updated 10 Jul 08) 

Members Only

The Tri-Winners:

Non-members please use other entrance. (retrometro@rogers.com)

If you have the jacket, you get the chair with the cushion. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Well, I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, but my member isn't big enough to need a complete chair. (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)

The Runners Up:

If you think that's bad you should see the executive bathroom. (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

So that's where the Bluemangroop-ies meet. (l2893s@gmail.com)

Yes, Miss Winehouse, you're on the list. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Okay, I just REALLY have had it with all this product placement crap nowadays. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

The club was disbanded because members could not take constructive criticism. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Manhattan is so upscale, even the homeless are picky about who they mingle with. (rayj0109@gmail.com)

Well, we ordered enough bricks for a clubroom, where the hell are they? (seeker@vcoms.net)

Hard to believe all those jackets were made there in the 80s. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Extreme (Poverty) Makeover (ponytayl@cox.net)

"I got your member! RIGHT HERE!!" (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)

Notice to Members of the 'Blue Tarp & Scaffold Club' - Weekly dues will be paid in CASH from now on. (Just drop your quarter on the desk by the phone and... leave my Coke the hell alone!) (sincityq@gmail.com)

This place looks like it was dismembered. (tphyll@aol.com)

Part of the government's plan to provide private clubs for the homeless. (madavis62@alltel.net)

This space was decorated by a rejected candidate for "Next Design Star". Ok, it was me. (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

Funny thing... in Los Angeles, there'd still be a line wrapped around the block for this place. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Apply now....space is limited. (retrometro@rogers.com)

With apologies to Groucho...Any club that would have me as a member, I won't join. (muhltrayne@yahoo.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

One of the many perks of ten years of service as a Walmart employee. (gerg17@comcast.net)

The line, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it" - does not apply here. (mashallaha@aol.com)

Kind of looks like a place where members would hang out. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Hey, look...the Coke has a Candom! (ponytayl@cox.net)

That wino pissing on your fender is actually our valet. He'll park your car once he's done. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Can't believe you leave all those rat's asses unattended. (muck55@aol.com)

FEMA's main office. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; jdcoops3@aol.com)

So what are the membership requirements? No shoes, no shirt, no home, no problem? (madavis62@alltel.net)

Finally, an exclusive club for the fans of the guy who wore the hard hat as a member of the Village People. (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

Hey, who knew the YMCA in downtown Detroit had a valet stand? (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)

The George W. Bush Appreciation Society opens their new headquarters. (mashallaha@aol.com; tpanner@hotmail.com)

Office of the "I Need to Get Job" club. (SahDogMom56@ao.com)

Inquire within for low, low membership rates. (zounds13@yahoo.com)

That's "hyper-members" to YOU! (luganrn77@yahoo.com)