(updated 18 Feb 08) 

In Bed

The Quad-Winners:

"Again no sex because of a headache? C'mon, now, how can I believe that?" (tphyll@aol.com)

"It was nice of your parents to invite us for the weekend." (shep@compascable.net)

"Yes, my sign is Aries. How did you guess?" (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"Well, my Mom always said sex wasn't all that it was cracked up to be." (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

The Runners Up:

"When you said you were into head-banging, I was assuming heavy metal music." (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"I don't get it, why do you keep calling me Jack Hammer?" (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

"He wasn't kidding when he said I'd be bouncing off the walls." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Awwww, that's sweet. He's gonna give her a haircut after sex! (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Her: "Is this what is meant by being a home wrecker..?" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Ralph always wanted to do it with a woman who was a perfect ten...on the Richter Scale! (maxcel200@aol.com)

"So... Good for you?" (rampage1984@msn.com; edprocoat@msn.com)

"Turn off the TV Bob. I can't stand the sex and violence!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

Woman: "Damn it, I was almost there..." (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

That's what she gets for trying to hang on to that remote control. (stan@squidworks.com)

"Wow! The trouble I go to just to fake it." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The morning after Superman's honeymoon. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Paris really didn't seem to mind...it was her hotel! (maxcel200@aol.com)

"I told you it was plaster not drywall." (drmccullers@aol.com)

Well, they say it's always a good idea to wear protection when going to bed. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

"I told you, ONE quarter in the magic fingers is enough." (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Good thing she remembered to wear her helmet, too bad she forgot her teethguard! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

"Trading Spaces" after getting moved to Cinemax. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Wham, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, thank you ma'am. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

"Dear! I told you broccoli and cabbage for dinner was a bad idea!" (ripmr@comcast.net)

They are filming another "Police Academy" movie? (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

That'll teach her to keep yelling "Harder. HARDER!" (odinsonthewise@yahoo.com; NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

Steve had never seen anyone THAT excited to watch "Grey's Anatomy" in his life. (arch_deceiver@hotmail.com)

"I did tell you I have been at sea for 20 months?" (edprocoat@msn.com)

"OK, next time we'll face the other direction." (e-merlin001@hotmail.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

Concussions--not just foreplay for goats anymore. (gerg17@comcast.net)

"You mean to tell me, lady, this video will be part of a Super Bowl commercial...?" (humorbear@aol.com)

The horror of interplanetary alien probes. (seeker@vcoms.net)

"See, Baby? I told you it'd be better without the kryptonite diaphragm." (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)