(updated 24 Dec 06) 

Sitting On Nails

The Tri-Winners:

Stan said he could stand the pain...but he was such a fakir. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; jaberwok@yahooy.com)

Bob is constantly being needled by his fat-assed wife. (redrumandkoke@aim.com)

3,000 nails, yet this stunt is completely pointless. (rlrvsny28@optonline.net)

The Runners Up:

"One at a time, please!" (e-marlon@sio.midco.net; dorr@jam.rr.com)

"I hope you start singing soon! Then I'll know when it's over!" (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

"This won't make up for you cheating on me but it's a step in the right direction." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

"Must you ALWAYS be on top?" (dennisilvr@aol.com)

Ooh yeah, she nailed 'im (sootnmoopy@aol.com)

"Move your ass lady...I gotta get up and take a few leaks!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

Never has so many punctured so little from so much. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Everything was going well until, for some reason, Phil got an erection. (j_perreaux@hotmail.com)

"Sure! I can see the resemblance to J-Lo." (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

"Do you have a nail in backwards, or are you just glad to see me?" (dennisilvr@aol.com)

Bad day to wear that Australian underwear... (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com; luganrn77@yahoo.com)

After a three-year medical study, therapy involving acupuncture and Sumo wrestling combined was regarded as "impractical". (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Just ONE of the proposals for the Andrea Dworkin memorial.

The Sealy Posturebleedic Mattress (maxcel200@aol.com)

She always said she would stick it to him if they ever got divorced. (murdoctor@aol.com)

"Lady, don't you think this is sort of, well....tacky?" (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Disappointed at her boss's raise rejection, as user/manager of the local Weight Watchers program, Helen organized her own "sit-down strike". (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Cannibal tools: meat tenderizer. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

"Anyone else want to sit on me? Preferably someone who didn't eat at Taco Bell?" (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The new "Scrotal Puncture Home Vasectomy Kit" is modeled by it's inventor. (redrumandkoke@aim.com)

"I should have never dropped out of college..." (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The cure for priapism. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Tommy Chong will do ANYTHING for a bag of weed. (mulepiper@yahoo.com)