(updated 27 Jul 08) 

In Bed II

The Tri-Winners:

He said "I want sex in the worst way" and it looks like he got his wish. (skibip@aol.com)

Cause of death...ASSphyxiation. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Is this what they mean by being pressured into sex? (madavis62@alltel.net)

The Runners Up:

He said he wanted a big orgasm. (stan@squidworks.com)

Alex, I'll take "Things That Tip Over Mobile Homes" for $200. (gerg17@comcast.net)

If he were on top, he could easily fall to his death. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Damn, girl, get up !! He has his hands up--he surrenders !! (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Bob quickly ran out of funds when he found his hooker charged by the pound. (maxcel200@aol.com)

"That's it! I'm leaving you!! Your love is suffocating me!" (guitartexn@aol.com)

Dave began to be concerned that what had started out as a small lump on his penis, might be getting out of hand. (Truckerex@comcast.net)

Jack Sprat could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean. When in bed together the result was quite obscene. (ripmr@comcast.net)

In hindsight, Bob knew it was a mistake to give her breakfast in bed. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

I don't think McGuyver could even get out of this trap. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Now he understands why she didn't want him to meet her mother before they were married. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Not even an entire bottle of Viagra will help him now. (rampage1984@msn.com)

Roger realized too late that his inflatable sex doll should have been filled with air rather than oatmeal. (Truckerex@comcast.net)

"Let's finish up. My third supper's almost ready." (tphyll@aol.com)

Wow. Cankles AND futtocks. (irochford@optusnet.com.au)

I understand it's a public service announcement, but for/against what? (seeker@vcoms.net)

"Get in my belly!" (SahDogMom56@aol.com)

I suddenly have a craving for cottage cheese. (ponytayl@cox.net)

Good night. Sleep tight....REAL tight. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

I wouldn't say she's fat, but she's got more crack than a party in Hollywood. (retrometro@rogers.com)

Bob neglected to fill in the zip code field in his Witness Relocation Program application. (EmailExpress2008@aol.com)

Remember, kids...Obesity kills. (YukiMerricoon@aol.com)

This is actually a type of missionary position, since the man underneath needs last rites. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

The worst part about this is nobody knows for sure whether he died happy. (YukiMerricoon@aol.com)

Kevin finally realizes he should have told the truth when his wife asked, "Do I look fat to you?" (flynnkj19@aol.com)

Yo Mama's so bad at sex....Oops! Wrong contest! (retrometro@rogers.com)

"Mom, have you seen Dad? We've been playing hide and seek for an hour now, and I've looked everywhere!!" (LHill@VHB.com)

Couple announces suit against Victoria's Secret, Viagra, San Diego Zoo and Association of Video Producers. (seeker@vcoms.net)

She died of a heart attack. He died of starvation. (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)