(updated 11 Jan 05) 

Steam Roller

The Co-Winners:

Employees of the Department of Public Works are not supposed to accept tips. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

"It's not my fault.. it's the asphalt!" (murdoctor@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

Little known 1950's movie: The Asphalt Tumble (maxcel200@aol.com)

The ironic part is after the steamroller rolled, the owner was steamed. (murdoctor@aol.com)

"You'll pave for this!" (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

"Sorry the boss sent you accounting guys out here to discuss my 'rollover'...I probably should have been a little more specific." (sootnmoopy@aol.com)

"So this roadrunner is eating free bird seed in the middle of the road and along comes this steam roller, being driven by a coyote..." (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

Out of steam and low on self esteem, Rollo the Roller expires on his ass-phalt. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

By playing dead, it silently waits for its next victim. (spamalope@access4less.net)

"I tell ya pal, it's like new. Hardly been used. Just rolled once by a little old lady." (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"Yeah I was supposed to meet some guy here who wanted to buy my urine and then I see this here!!" (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

"...hey, has anyone seen Frank this morning?..." (allen018@aol.com)

The demands of gravity have priority when you try to pop a wheelie with a steam roller. (humorbear@aol.com)

Yeah, I HEARD Mannheim Steamroller was going under, but NOBODY told me it was going OVER, first! (paracletus3@aol.com)

"No kidding, Barney, them Burford boys came a runnin' up here in the dark, and thought it was a cow!" (breehlm@wmconnect.com)

"...so I told the wife I finally found something heavier and uglier in rollers... um, can I sleep on your couch tonight, Ed?" (rockitower@aol.com)

"Dammit, Hank! when I said 'roll it over again' I was talkin' about the blacktop!!!" (l1061s@go.com)

"Well lookie h-yere. A steam roll-over and play dead machine!" (AnmchiraE@aol.com)

John Kerry Construction Company (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

"Hell, I'm at a loss--do we fix it, shoot it or turn it into abstract art?" (humorbear@aol.com)

"You know, Bob, the other side makes it smoother." (ahines3103@aol.com)

"I only ASKED him what the turning radius was like on that thing!" (stan@squidworks.com)

"So far that's the only one he knows, but we're working on 'sit', 'stay', and 'fetch'." (brat.cat@verizon.net)

Insert your own "women drivers" joke here. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

"It's a CAT steamroller... it wants it's belly rubbed." (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

"Still looking for Osama, are we, Mr. Bush?" (paracletus3@aol.com)

Why does this make me think of Kirstie Alley on her back? (skibip@aol.com)

Well, I've heard of laying down on the job... (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

"Now, you're telling me that a mouse wearing a cape flew down and tossed your steamroller aside, to save another mouse from being run over?" (murdoctor@aol.com)

Luckily for Jim the bumper sticker was upside down, so no one noticed to call 'How Am I Paving?: Call 800-987-6544'. (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Oh, now you tell us your a prince. And what was that? There was a PEA on the road...?" (Ringo@illuSchoen.net)

A new picture from the LAPD files of Billy Joel. (AnthrStupdSN@aol.com)